As the countdown begins until graduation day, an impending doom hovers over the Class of 2009. In only a matter days, we will be thrust ruthlessly into the (dun dun dun...) real world.
What exactly is it about the blooming season that dusts off that old libido and causes all of our hormones to run buck wild? It seems that Mother Nature, after lounging on her snowy bum for the lazy winter months, has suddenly been reawakened as a crazed nymphomaniac.
Our hatchling days as naive granite-brained freshmen have been indoctrinated in all of the conventions of our dear ol' College on the Hill.
Yesterday, instead of writing this column, I decided to watch the end of George A. Romero's famous horror film, "Dawn of the Dead." For those of you unfamiliar with the 1970s classic, it features a pandemic of zombies who seek no other corporal pleasure than feasting off the flesh of the living. As I watched the decaying bodies emerge from the shadowy depths of hell, I couldn't help but find the similarities between Dartmouth alums and "Dawn of the Dead" zombies downright remarkable. It's funny how much can change in a year.
What is this flitzing business, you ask? Take note, young Casanovas, it's the new Dartmouth cultural phenomenon, a hybridization of flirting and blitzing.
A public school education leaves quite a few things to be desired. Take sex education, for example.
2008 was a huge year for sex -- and I'm talking Ron-Jeremy huge. This was the year gay marriage was championed as a federal issue, the year a Yale student induced numerous abortions in the name of art and the year the big-screen debut of the "Sex and the City" movie spurred a theatre-bound, mass migration of young teenagers salivating over the lifestyle of the cosmopolite cougar. 2008 was also the year that Match.com boasted record-high 16 million members spanning 37 countries, and generated an impressive $350 million in revenues.
I recently made a mistake while changing channels; somewhere between "Who Wants to Date my Grandmother?" and "True Life: I'm on MTV's True Life" -- I stumbled upon a Fox News briefing.
Throughout the ages, the illustrious cougar has been a source of legend and folklore across the American continent.
Caitlin Kelly / The Dartmouth Senior Staff The 2008 election marks a milestone in the struggle for gender equality in our nation.