To Rally, or Not to Rally? A Fratliloquy™
To rally, or not to rally — that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to study
The bio and art history of outrageous liberal arts
Or to take arms against a sea of Keystone™
And by opposing, shotgun them. To die, to rage —
No more — and by a game of harbor to say we end
The heartburn (from chugging), and the thousand UNnatural sugars
That twisted tea is heir to. 'Tis a deliberation
Devoutly to be cursed. To rally, to boot —
To black the f--- in — perchance to dream: ay, there's the EMS,
For in that sleep of death what Dick’s House may come
When we have blacked out in this mortal basement,
Must give us pause. There's the respect
That makes blacking out of so long social capital.
For who would bear the whips and scorns of an On Night,
Th' oppressor's (Hanlon) wrong, the proud SAE continues
The pangs of despised been, the law's delay,
The insolence of an illegal consumer, and the spurns
That patient merit of th' unworthy SWUGS,
When he himself might his consumption make
With a bare keg chug? Who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a beer funnel,
But that the dread of something after losing pong,
The undiscovered dread, from whose sunketh cup
No prospie returns, puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those alcoholic tendencies we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make frat stars of us all,
And thus the native hue of booting
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of regret,
And enterprise of great boot and rally.
With this regard their droco
And lose the name of Alpha Delta — Soft you now,
The fair fraternity scene! — bleak, in thy orisons
Be all my sins remembered.