Internal Monologue of a Freshman on Day One

Remember when you were a wide-eyed, bushy-tailed first-year student? Back then you still thought trippees were forever and FoCo cookies were a godsend (just kidding, that second one is still true). For all you ’19s out there, we know how you feel, even if we pretend that we were way cooler and always had the hang of this college thing. If this sounds anything like your morning yesterday (or today — we'll cut you some slack), just know that about 99.99% of the freshman class probably feels the exact same.

8:01 a.m.:OH MY GOD!! I overslept my alarm by 16 minutes! Was my roommate right telling me not to take a 9L?? Look at her…still peacefully asleep until she has to wake up for her 12…ugh.

8:03:No, I was right. My friends that are still in high school are already halfway through first period, and I just got out of bed. I’ll be okay.

8:15:I definitely don’t have time to make my bed. Or put on a decently presentable outfit. This sweatshirt and pajama pants will do, right? Dartmouth students are supposed to dress casually anyway… Wow, look at me, off to my first college class at an Ivy League. Go me!

8:16:I spoke too soon. The floormate I hooked up with the first night is heading for the same staircase as me…he just looked back and waved…oh my god he stopped so I could walk with him…I can’t handle this awkwardness. Not to mention, he’s way less attractive than I thought. Also… is that a Trump 2016 sticker on his backpack?? And did he just mispronounce my name??! Unforgiveable!

8:18:New rule: no more floorcest.And maybe no more drinking….(just kidding).

8:19:I don’t have time to walk all the way to FoCo. I’ll try out that place in the library, Novak or however you spell it.Someone told me the workers are really friendly and they have amazing coffee!

8:20:This line is too long. I’m going to try that place my trip leader told me about – “caf”? Must stand for cafeteria. What a strange name.

8:23:This line is long too but whatever, I need food. Also, I guess this place is called KAF, short for King Arthur Flour…? That’s an even weirder name than “caf”…

8:31:Oh my god. This croissant is incredible. How much DBA do I have again?

8:34:I should probably start heading to class…I want to make a good impression on the first day. Time to consult my campus map.

8:37:The Life Science Center looks kind of far…

8:42:How much further is this place?? Will it look awkward if I start speed walking?

8:45:CAN’T…BREATHE…NEED…TO…GET…BIKE…

8:47:Okay, I’ll try to make as casual an entrance as possible. I’m only two minutes late. Someone told me my Writing 5 class would be pretty small but I bet everyone else was late too…if only my face weren’t so flushed from running…

8:48:Um, everyone elseishere….and the professor already started her PowerPoint. This is awkward. And where do I sit?? Okay, I’ll just say I’m sorry and avert eye contact…

8:49:There was homework posted on Canvas last night???

8:50 AM:People are taking out their laptops….is that allowed?! Aren’t they going to get detention?

8:58:This class seems pretty good so far…wait, what does the syllabus say? WE HAVE A PAPER DUE IN TWO DAYS?!

9:00:Well, at least my professor and classmates seem nice.

9:02:Oh no – not another icebreaker. I can’t.

9:03:The guy next to me is from New Zealand and has an awesome accent. Maybe this class will be enjoyable after all.

9:06:Wait, what do I do if I have to go to the bathroom? Do I raise my hand? But that feels like I’m in kindergarten…I guess I’ll just wait.

9:10:Okay, I’m ready to go back to bed.

9:17:Does the professor notice me dozing off?

9:25:I can’t fall asleep in my first college class. When will my large coffee kick in??

9:28:We still haveTWENTY-TWO more minutes??! This is agony!

9:35:I’m never taking a 9L again.

9:40:My professor let us out early. God bless her. I can’t wait to get back in bed…I still have almost three hours before my 12. College is amazing.

9:47:And…my roommate is still asleep. Unbelievable. Here’s hoping I have better luck in my 12…