FoCo Joe at Home: Tartine Bakery
Thanks to the joyous Instagram food account @Infatuation, Tartine Bakery has been on my radar for quite some time now. The place has established the kind of reputation amongst foodies — dedicated and otherwise — that aspiring bakers dream of. It’s been around for years, as the worn-out floors illustrate. It is here that famous food writer Michael Pollan had “the best bread I ever tasted.” It’s the type of place that I should have tried long before this weekend. When the company made national headlines this week for the announced merger with another local favorite, Blue Bottle Coffee, I knew this week would be the week to finally make the trek.
And of course, I am greeted with a line. It turns out Tartine Bakery has a cult following to match its global reputation. Being alone in a line, however, is different than being in a line with friends. Partly out of instinct, and partly out of immediate boredom, I pull out my phone and begin to stare at the screen. It is at this moment that I realize that I may improve my journalism skills if I practiced jotting down my observations while waiting in this line. Let us not forget that we are in San Francisco, so the people themselves are of considerable entertainment…
The following are those thoughts, from start to finish. Consider this a more elaborate account of a friendly San Francisco experience.
Waiting in line for a croissant
I’ve walked past this place an infinite number of times without realizing it! The outside looks like anything but a bakery, let alone a world-renowned one.
A little kid was playing in the small “bushes” and hits the doorbell of some people in the apartment next door…a middle-aged dude in a dark blue Abercrombie & Fitch sweatsuit and tortoise shell Warby Parkers opens his door expecting visitors and quickly closes it in irritation. The poor guy probably gets this often.
I got here at 9:50. I wrote it down to make sure of it.
A woman five people ahead of me — a lone soldier like myself — pulls out a fashion magazine...good call.
A woman starts smoking a cigarette five feet away from me. You do you, no judgment, but you do realize your smoke is ruining the tantalizing smell of rising bread! Then again, considering the wait, maybe I don’t need to be smelly fluffy buttery goodness quite yet.
Ahead of me I see two or three people join their friends in line… as if this is the high school cafeteria. They probably think they are doing a good job of pretending they are just "running into" their good friends — probably their only friends — but little do they know that I and these other trendy 20-year-olds are watching, when we aren't looking into our phones.
Actually, I lied just now. There are not that many young 20-year-olds here, but rather a mix of young adults, young parents with their young children and young adults with their older parents. Also, a lot of people are chatting politely with one another, appearing to only pull out their phones when a lull appears in the conversation.
But clearly by spending our Sunday morning this way we are all way trendy, regardless of age ;)
A lot of people are wearing sunglasses. Good call. It's getting hot in this line, the sun is rising right above us. No, right on us. I am wearing my trusty marmot jacket...bad call.
Thankfully at 10:05 the line finally advances so that I am covered by the shade of the tree right outside the bakery. I am now only seven people back from the door.
It smells so good. It somehow gets better with each passing minute. The fluffy and buttery goodness is getting to me, I suppose.
I am hungry.
I have been standing in the shade for a good five minutes, and in true San Francisco fashion it is getting chilly! The marmot smiles to itself, feeling needed once again.
Two twenty-something-year-old bros drive up to the intersection at a red light, jamming hardcore to a Michael Jackson slow jam in their silver bullet car. Volume level is up high — a little too turnt for 10:12 a.m. The line shares a chuckle.
I finally make it inside the store at 10:20, after a full 30 minutes. I check out the menu — not too sparse but also not too stress-inducing. The pastries look good on the menu but even better behind the glass display.
I have to say I have enjoyed myself thus far in this Tartine experience. An already fantastic atmosphere of a giddy, yet calm, Sunday morning energy is made complete with classy jazz music. Something about the lighting is also nice. Specifically all the natural light — I am a fan.
Even the lady serving me is nice. Feeling new in this place I begin to get all smiley and fidgety as I awkwardly ask if they sell any ground decaf coffee for my parents at home. They had just “for barrel” coffee that morning, but with Blue Bottle making its way in I am sure that will change.
By 10:27, I am a very happy camper! Croissants in hand, I waltz back to the bus stop, where I have time to try my treat.
Yum. I am not really a croissant guy, but I'm happy I did this. It's crunchy and light, with a very buttery taste. The inside is still chewy, and the flakes are not messy at all, which is a pet peeve of mine.
TL:DR; File this place with Bi-Rite under the category “essential SF eats.”