What Dartmouth Students Say vs. What Dartmouth Students Mean
Here @Dartbeat, we’ve noticed that many of our Dartmouth peers (read: you guys) often have hidden, deeper meanings behind what they say —and not always in a good way. In fact, in our time collecting overheards, we’ve come to realize that a number of the phrases you bandy about in your day-to-day interactions lack any semblance of authentic meaning and should instead be interpreted in dramatically unrelated ways. So, in order to help you communicate more effectively, we’ve decided to sit down and compile a handy-dandy lexicon: what Dartmouth students say vs. what Dartmouth students mean. If you think we’ve missed one of campus’s most popular phrases —or if you think we’ve translated any of these incorrectly —let us know by commenting or tweeting @dartbeatblog!
What they mean: “You'll never hear from me again! If we do run into each other on campus, I will likely avoid eye contact with you. I will do the same on all subsequent occasions.”
What Dartmouth students say: “Leaving my dorm @now!”
What they mean: “Leaving my dorm in @an hour and a half from now!”
What Dartmouth students say: “Oh god, Canada Goose and Bean Boots? SO basic.”
What they mean: “Oh god, I’m so glad I didn’t wear my Canada Goose jacket and Bean Boots today so that I can mock others.”
What Dartmouth students say: “Bro, I just finished my Dartmouth Decade!”
What they mean: “I have a long-sublimated interest in Scottish folk music, but I feel the need to avoid talking about it in case my fraternity brothers think it’s weird.”
What Dartmouth students say: “Oh god, I’m failing all my classes!”
What they mean: “Oh god, I only have a 3.95 GPA!”
What Dartmouth students say: “Nobody rages anymore.”
What they mean: “We’ve been making an effort as a community to tackle sexual assault and high-risk drinking, and acknowledging that this involves changing my daily behaviors scares me!”
What Dartmouth students say: “I hate winter so much.”
What they mean: “I am terrible at planning and somehow failed to realize that I am attending a college in a relatively cold region of the world. I acknowledge my incompetence and apologize for the inconvenience my continual complaining has caused for those around me.”
What Dartmouth students say: “Let’s get lunch!”
What they mean: “As we both already know, we will try in vain to find a mutually convenient time to consume food in unison before tragically failing to ever reconnect. Your number will remain in my contacts list for years as a sad reminder of the friendship that could have been, and someday, in my darkest moment, I will gaze at it in despair and imagine that you are doing the same. In that moment, I will think of texting ‘can you do Tuesday post-10A’s?’ but I will decide not to. Ultimately, we will die alone.”
What Dartmouth students say: “I’m going to be unemployed after college!”
What they mean: “I sadly have to accept that I was unable to land a job at Bain. I guess I’ll have to settle for McKinsey —or worse, Teach For America!”
What Dartmouth students say: “Hey, it’s so good to see you.”
What they mean: “Hey, I hate you and everything you stand for.”
What Dartmouth students say: “I just want to hookup tonight.”
What they mean: … Actually that one means exactly what it sounds like.