Top Ten: Green Key Artists We Wish Programming Board Could Invite

By Parker Richards, The Dartmouth Staff | 2/17/15 7:17am

We’re a practical bunch here @Dartbeat, and clearly we understand that our dream of having Beyoncé perform for Green Key was just a tad far-fetched. That said, we couldn’t help but be a bit disappointed with some of the options Programming Board blitzed to campus a couple of weeks ago. So, in order to make sure the Green Key voting process is as equitable as possible, we’ve compiled a list of additional suggestions that we’re confident Dartmouth could bring to campus this spring. Comment or tweet @dartbeatblog to cast your vote or to suggest an additional name!

1. Robert Burns

Scotland’s greatest poet and songwriter is known best for his classic tale of year’s end, “Auld Lang Syne,” but his body of work in the Scots language is vast and well worth a Green Key performance. The fact that Programming Board has not attempted to bring the Bard of Ayrshire to campus is truly insulting, as many students want nothing more than the opportunity to listen to 19^th Century Scottish ballads in a language they do not understand. Plus, it’s not like Burns died in 1796, right?

2. Tupac Hologram

Courtesy of Coachella / via tumblr.com

3. Phil Hanlon ft. Walter White and an Alaskan Brown Bear

Ah, the famed trio! College President Phil Hanlon ’77 – an accomplished base violinist – joined by meth dealer and chemistry teacher Walter White on the tuba with the dulcet tones of Ralph, an Alaskan Brown Bear, carrying the vocal side of things. If you haven’t heard their sound yet, you must be living under a rock. And if Programming Board doesn’t at least write the President’s Office asking for a performance, they must be living under a rock, too.

4. Nicki Minaj