Top Five: Jokes About Dartmouth
Here @Dartbeat, we know that our Ivy League peers like to tease Dartmouth for its northerly location and comparative isolation. That’s fair game — Cornell students need something to laugh about, after all —but it’s important that we are all aware of (and know how to respond to) the jokes that are out there. So, after scouring the darkest corners of the internet, we’ve compiled this list. Read it, and then go forth and research humor related to the rest of the Ivy League so that you can mock them more viciously than they have ever mocked us:
We’ve all heard this one. It’s the one your hometown friends used on you before you came to Dartmouth, it’s the one you dread at night and it’s the one that is a little too real during winter. It goes a bit like this:
Q: “How many Dartmouth students does it take to change a light bulb?”
A: “None. Hanover doesn’t have electricity.”
(From: Aaaugh! A Humor Archive)
2. The Conan
If you haven’t already heard the speech, get out from under your rock and give it a listen. Here’s a teaser:
“Your school color is green, and this color was chosen by Frederick Mather in 1867 because, and this is true — I looked it up — ‘it was the only color that had not been taken already.’ I cannot remember hearing anything so sad.”
3. The Mindy
Even our own most famed graduate, the supremely talented Mindy Kaling, can’t resist poking fun at her alma mater. Speaking at the commencement ceremony for Harvard Law School last spring, Kaling said:
“I graduated in 2001 from Dartmouth College, an academic institution located in lawless rural New Hampshire, where when you arrive, you are given a flask of moonshine and a box of fireworks, and you are told simply to, quote, ‘Go to town’ — except there is no town, there is only a forest and a row of frat houses that smell like urine. Actually, little known fact, Dartmouth has a law school — it’s just one semester, and its coursework is entirely centered on how to beat a DUI.”
(From: bostonmagazine.com)
4. The Unfunny
Jokes4Us, that famed home of Internet humor, has compiled a list of painfully unfunny jokes about Dartmouth. Frankly, we’re glad it was so hard for us to find better jokes about the College —maybe this means we’re not so easy to make fun of? Anyway, here are two of the more humorous ones:
Q: "What do Dartmouth grads use for Birth Control?"
A: "Their personalities."
Q: "How do you break a Dartmouth grads finger?"
A: "Punch him in the nose."
5. The Completely Random
A website strangely titled “fazemo.com” has created a series of jokes exclusively about Dartmouth’s basketball teams. Again, it was rather heartening that we had to look this hard to find jokes about Dartmouth —and to find that most weren’t remotely funny. In fact, Fazemo’s jokes were so bad that we’ve made better versions for your consideration. The originals, if you’re so inclined, can be found here.
Q: “What do NARPs have in common with Dartmouth basketball players?”
A: “Both will be watching March Madness on TV!”
Q: “Why did Dartmouth disband its water polo team?”
A: “All the horses drowned.”