The Hook Up: Articles I meant to write, but then I got bored
- Not everyone masturbates, but most people should.
- If you have never had an orgasm, buy a vibrator.
- Dartmouth 7 in terms of difficulty: Big Empty Meeting Area, stacks, steps of Dartmouth Hall, president’s lawn, 50 yard line, Top of the Hop, middle of the green. I am willing to debate this based on time of day, shamelessness, and weather conditions.
- Bisexuals are real, and not, in fact, straight/gay people who really enjoy lying.
- Figuring out one’s sexual identity is more of a struggle for some people than others. However, more people, many of whom pass or identify as straight, are trying to sort out sexual identity than widely assumed.
- More people are attracted to you than you think. Meaning, you are hotter than you think.
- Doors have locks for a reason. That reason includes hook ups, masturbating and Skype sex. Also, robberies and stuff, I guess.
- If you fake orgasms, no one is going to learn how to make you orgasm.
- There’s no reason not to get tested for sexually transmitted infections at Dick’s House if you’re having some sort of sex. It’s free and easy, and you’re going to feel way more awkward if you end up giving someone an STI and then having to blitz them four months after the hook up. (Subject line: hey; Body: how’s your off-term? so, i got tested at Dick’s House…)
- Use more lube.
- The easiest way to have sex on a constant basis is to be in a relationship of some sort. The best way to be in a relationship is to ask someone on a date.
- Stop worrying so much about rejection (this, like many of these half-formed ideas, could be included on a more general sticky titled “Kate tries to boss herself around”).
- It is extremely unlikely that you will never find love, if that’s what you want, so stop freaking out.
- On the flip side, it’s also pretty unlikely that the rando you hooked up without having a single conversation beforehand is going to fall in love with you. You probably won't get married and have lots of babies with this individual.
- It’s been researched, and after college, people stop randomly hooking up and start dating. So, again, stop freaking out.
- Oral sex is pretty widely regarded as fun. Lots of guys and girls (obviously) like getting it, but a good number enjoy giving it as well. Keep that enthusiasm.
- Where to get free condoms: Undergraduate advisers, the Health Education Program’s office at 7 Rope Ferry Road, your roommates if they aren’t getting laid and are worried about expiration dates
- You can tell if a condom has been tampered with (i.e. if you are concerned your nemesis is trying to get you pregnant by sticking pins in your condoms) by squishing the unopened condom and feeling an air bubble
- Like my sassy high school teacher always said, when you assume – whether it be someone’s sexuality, their gender, their attraction to you or lack thereof, if they do or do not have an STI – you make an ass of “u and me.” Get it? Puns!