Stuff Dartmouth Kids Like: 12WhyamIon

The scene: my bed, Mid Fay. It is two degrees outside but the thermostat is cranked up all the way and anyway I’m under like seven comforters. “In the Summertime” is playing on my iTunes and if I think hard enough, I can convince myself that the sun outside is actually doing something to warm the earth. Is it Sophomore Summer yet?

Alas, it is 12W. Minnesotans are scoffing at the rest of us and preparing for the harsh winter by putting on a cardigan over a tank top or something. You’re the real hard guys. Meanwhile, all the Southerners have stayed ahead of the curve and are off. They’re probably in New Zealand or something. Lame.

But I’m getting sidetracked. The point of my column is to share with you things that Dartmouth kids like. This column was kind of hard to write because even though I love cold weather and snow and sledding, six hours of sunlight a day is rough. But whatever. Let’s get on with it and dive in, like the overeager freshmen dive into Occom Pond for the Polar Bear Swim. Which you should totally do, by the way. The adrenaline rush will awaken your frozen, near-dead soul. Also, the thought that other people will see you in a swimsuit might help you stay motivated and get you to the gym. Or you could just ignore me and order another EBAs pizza.

Here's a list of some things Dartmouth kids like... in the winter.

Cars

So my best friend has this car. It’s a white Volvo that seats five people, but they all have to be skinny because it’s kind of a little car.

It was snowing one day — big surprise — and we decided that there was no way we were going to brave the walk to FoCo (we lived in McLaughlin, give us a break). It was still that point in the year when my freshman floor went to dinner together all the time, so we had a group of eight kids who just wanted whatever Homeplate (R.I.P.) was serving that night. The fact that we only had one car? Irrelevant.

It was the most crowded ride of my life. Trunk-squeezing and lap-sitting were involved. But we never walked to dinner again.

You know that guy who thinks he’s awesome because he has a car and can speed around Hanover blasting music? The one who thinks everyone’s jealous? If it’s the winter, everyone is jealous. Be that guy. Or at least be his friend. You can ditch him in the spring.

Grippy shoes

It’s a fact of life that at one point in your Dartmouth career, you are going to eat it. You are going to slip on ice, and your legs are going to fly out from under you, and your butt will be bruised worse than that time you fell down the TDX stairs — seemingly just as common an occurrence.

And this isn’t going to be some drunk fall on the Green at 3 a.m. when you can hop right back up and pretend it didn’t happen. You, as well as everyone around you, will be sober, and if you’re especially unlucky, you will ass-plant between 10s and 11s when all of campus is around to see you.

Get snow boots. Get them with those little tread things on the sole for maximum mountain-climbing power. Don’t wear leather boots with smooth soles, especially if you are climbing up that hill behind Novack, because you will fall backwards down the hill and tons of people will see you. And point at you. I’m not speaking from experience or anything…