In the leadup to Valentine’s Day, we asked Dartmouth students to submit their burning questions about love, breakups and everything in between. We chose our favorite questions — some serious, some perhaps less so — and answered them below. While many of our answers offer our genuine, best advice for dealing with matters of the heart, others are more flippant — cheeky, if you will. Above all, keep in mind that we are college sophomores, not relationship counselors. We’ll let our readers decide whether to heed our advice.
How do I flitz a complete stranger?
It can be really difficult to reach out to someone you don’t know, but we recommend being bold and honest. Let them know exactly how you feel, but keep it low-stakes. Ask them to grab coffee or go on a woccom instead of feeling pressured to get dinner or go to an event. While on the date, try to get to know them better, but don’t put pressure on yourself to make the date go a certain way. The outcome of the flitz doesn’t have to lead to romance, especially not right away.
I see my ex and his new girlfriend everywhere. How do I not care?
Don’t look at them! If you see them coming, call your mom. She probably loves you more than your ex ever did.
There’s someone who seems really interested in me, but I’m not really into them, and I feel bad telling them. What should I do?
Let them down easy! Say that you really appreciate being their friend, and you don’t want to mess up the existing connection you have. Whatever you do, don’t ghost them, especially if you want to remain friends. If you’re feeling shy or nervous, you can wait until they bring up their feelings themself. But, if you want to resolve the awkward tension ASAP, you could consider asking them to study or hang out and broach the topic then. We would recommend having this conversation in person. If you’re not feeling up to it, though, you can also text them — that way, you can communicate exactly how you feel without worrying about messing up. If they share their feelings, explain that you really appreciate the sentiment but just aren’t feeling the same way.
This is a little embarrassing, but what should I do if I have a crush on my professor? Of course I would never act on it, but sometimes I have a hard time focusing in class. How do I prevent this unrequited love from hindering my academic success?
This is a tough situation. We think the best — and possibly only — solution would be to drop out of the class and change your major to avoid ever seeing the professor again. If you need the class to graduate, you should start sitting in the back of the room, and never make eye contact with the professor ever again.
How should I respond to a man who only wants to talk on Snapchat?
Give him your phone number if he doesn’t have it already, and tell him you won’t respond unless he texts you. If you’re over the age of 18, we think you’re too old to be communicating through pictures of half your face and two-word sentences. If he decides that he wants to communicate with you like an adult, great! If not, we think it’s best to let him go. Communication in a relationship — or situationship — is important, and you might also want to explain to him why only talking on Snapchat is preventing you from forming a genuine connection. Stick to connections that are not only willing to talk over text but also chat in person.
Give a second-by-second breakdown of what you should do when you encounter your ex-situationship at the library, gym, Foco or while almost getting run over by their car. Unfortunately, I have experienced all of these situations this term.
Make eye contact, then immediately look down and away. If your situationship is walking toward you, look up again, then pull out your phone and check the weather or your email. Keep walking fast, like you have somewhere important to be. Head to your dorm and stay in your room for the next week. Hopefully, they’re gone by then!
How can you tell if you have a crush on someone or just like the idea of them?
It’s easy to fall into the mindset of just wanting to be in a relationship regardless of who it is with. But the only way to know if you genuinely like a person for who they are is to be around them more. Test it out! Go out on a date with them and see if you enjoy it. If you’re not feeling it, no worries. The real them may not align with the version you had imagined in your head. Remember that it’s okay to admire people from afar — we all do it.
How do you meet people at Dartmouth?
You don’t. Next question!
How am I supposed to know what someone else wants out of a relationship?
The easiest way to find out is to ask them. Be open and honest about exactly what you’re looking for, and encourage them to share how they feel. If you don’t communicate, both of you will end up getting hurt — especially if one party expects or wants something more serious than the other. Make sure you’re both clear about what to expect, or not expect, from your relationship. If you have conflicting expectations, that might be a sign that you’re not meant to be. Although that realization might hurt in the moment, keep in mind that the right person for you will have the same expectations that you do. It can be helpful to have a conversation early on in a relationship before it gets too serious, so you know whether you’re compatible.
Is it true that if he wanted to, he would?
We’re tempted to say no and claim he loves you even though he doesn’t try. But our real advice is that if he’s not putting in the effort, then neither should you. You shouldn’t have to keep questioning if he likes you; if he does, you’ll know. If you find yourself asking, you already know the answer.
Why doesn’t anyone at Dartmouth love me? I think I’m pretty awesome.
Though we don’t know you, we understand how easy it is to feel like no one loves or appreciates you. However, this isn’t the reality! Whenever you’re feeling unloved, think about your family and friends who you may spend time with or talk to every day. We’re sure that they think you’re pretty awesome — and, if we knew you, we would too!
Happy Valentine’s Day, Mirror readers! Thanks for sending us your questions. We hope our advice helps you navigate some difficult situations and gives you a new outlook on all things love. And if our advice helps you find love, please invite us to your wedding.
Love,
Mirror
