What a week. Writing this column in the midst of crises in Baltimore and Nepal, this all feels silly. And yet here we are.
For those who are still watching “Grey’s Anatomy” (Phil), first of all let me say good for you for sticking with something. Secondly, I know you’re upset. For those who don’t watch this Shonda show, you’ve probably still heard the news. McDreamy (Dr. Derek Shepherd), played by my friend Patrick Dempsey, has passed away — but that doesn’t mean some fans aren’t in denial. There is a petition floating around to bring the raven-haired surgeon back to this fictional show. Perhaps more disturbing than this initiative, however, is the obituary that People.com posted. It was published as if Derek were a real person like me or you, my cherished reader/fan.
As hard as we may try, we can’t all be as physically appealing as Derek Shepherd/Patrick Dempsey, but that’s okay. So lay off the plastic surgery for a while. It’s the 21st century though, and the world is an ugly (wo)man’s oyster. According to The Wall Street Journal, “In a set of personnel policies announced Friday, [Abercrombie & Fitch Co.] said it would stop hiring sales staff on ‘body type or physical attractiveness’ and will relax its infamous ‘look policy’” so employees can add a little more individual flavor to their wardrobes. There is no longer the potential to become an A&F supermodel, as the announcement revealed that sales staff will now be called “Brand Representatives” rather than “Models”. My mind is simply blown. Isn’t that all the brand has going for it? Abercrombie can kiss this reporter goodbye. No longer will I stand outside their flagship NYC store ogling at the shirtless men standing at the entrance. No longer will I spend my Saturdays sitting in their stores enduring the toxic fumes of the cologne they spray everywhere without buying anything.
On Tuesday, the Supreme Court heard arguments about the constitutional right to same-sex marriage nationwide. When the topic of the legalization of same-sex marriage is debated, I feel like I’ve stepped into a time machine and gone back a few decades. Remember when Kim Kardashian was married to Kris Humphries for 72 days? I do. That breakup devastated me. If former child bride Courtney Stodden could marry then 51-year-old actor Doug Hutchison at age 16 (BTW exciting news — they divorced but now they’re engaged again!), I just really can’t wrap my head around any arguments as to why same-sex marriage is wrong.
Be on the lookout for Kourtney’s sex tape, which she is currently shopping around. I sincerely hope it involves a person — or people ;) — who are not her husband. But I don’t plan on finding out.
Hilary Duff is on Tinder. The recently filed-for-divorce 20-something is really into the app and is already going on dates with her matches. If the woman who so beautifully portrayed Lizzie McGuire has to resort to Tinder, there’s no hope for those of us who didn’t star in a hit show as an adolescent.
Speaking of starlets who peaked far too early in life, Justin Bieber crashed a high school prom last weekend. I hope all the girls at prom were wearing long dresses if you know what I mean. Some of us spent last weekend watching the disturbing “20/20” episode with Bruce Jenner… Diane Sawyer sucked!
Madonna really needs to stop. She recently instagrammed a picture of a topless model Andrea Denver. I know what you’re thinking — Instagram doesn’t allow female nipples to be shown! Instagram’s censorship is archaic. Anyway, before you get your panties in a twist, let me explain that Andrea is a biological male and self-identifying man (gotta be technical these days!). Yes, despite being named Andrea, he’s a guy. Madonna, who doesn’t know the 23-year-old model, captioned the picture, “Rebel (heart emoji) 8 pac!! Hell to the yeah!!!” followed by three heart emojis and one thumbs up emoji. If you ask me, Madonna is on her way to becoming the next Doug Hutchison.
Kylie Jenner’s boyfriend, rapper Tyga, got a tattoo on his arm — Kylie in cursive. He’ll be regretting that by next month, most likely. I sincerely hope that if he has 17-year-old Kylie’s name tattooed on his body, he has some tattoo tribute to his two-year-old child. I hope this serves as a cautionary warning to all you lovebirds out there. Phil and Gail can probably get matching tattoos at this point — they’re in it for the long haul. Time to get my tramp stamp removed.
