During the third week of January, Lacey Jones ’16 sensed that something was different walking into her club volleyball practice.
She had just dropped winter rush — where she had interacted with many of her teammates — and the space suddenly felt uncomfortable.
“It was tough, coming back to practice in the midst of rush and thinking that these girls might just not like me as much as I thought they did,” Jones said.
She said that the week-long Panhellenic Council rush was more difficult than she expected because she felt like she was being judged on factors that she had not previously considered relevant to her identity.
“It’s harder to be rejected because it’s not on the basis of a skill level, something you’re good at or something you’re bad at,” Jones said. “It’s really hard to build yourself back up after that experience.”
Jones, who had just returned from a foreign study program in Edinburgh, said that she had hoped she could treat rush as just another extracurricular but was “super sucked in.” Nine months later, however, Jones emphasized that she has found many of the positive things that are usually associated with the Greek system without joining a house.
“It might be harder to find these things, but they’re there,” Jones said.
On a campus of about 4,400 people, more than 1,700 are not affiliated each year.
Though many unaffiliated students interviewed said they felt an initial sting over sophomore fall, when hundreds of students rush Greek organizations, they also noted that affiliation became less important as they grew older.
Shortly after he arrived on campus, Trevelyan Wing ’13 knew that he wasn’t too interested in joining a house.
“I remember being kind of ‘over’ the Greek scene by the end of orientation,” Wing said.
But on a whim, sophomore winter, he decided to rush. He “shook out” at a fraternity where many of his friends were members — indicating that this particular house was his top choice.
Later that night, he didn’t receive a bid. And even though he didn’t expect to join any house, he said he was still bothered.
“It always sucks not to get into something,” he said. “That night, I thought, if I felt bad about it — as someone who doesn’t care very much — how must it feel for someone who was really excited about this.”
Even though Matt Rossi ’16 was not interested in being a part of the Greek system, he was still affected by it. By the third week of his sophomore fall, after his friends had joined Greek houses, he began to realize his friend group was shifting entirely.
“I spent a lot of time in my room, a lot of time alone, a lot of time reflecting,” Rossi said. “That was the worst 10 weeks of my life.”
And Hui Cheng ’16 said that, when one of her friends joined a sorority, their interactions took on a different tone.
“Her affiliated status made her reluctant to spend time with unaffiliated friends,” Cheng said. “There was sort of an opportunity cost to spending this time.”
Despite this falling out, Cheng added that many of her other affiliated friends include her in Greek events, including tails and other social events.
Wing agreed, but said that in general, students who choose not to be a part of the Greek system may have to work harder to find a social network.
Feyaad Allie ’16 said he appreciates the extra effort. Because he feels he is proactive about making plans, Allie said that his interactions have become more intentional.
“It’s good because I don’t default on a group,” Allie said. “I’m making an effort to hang out with people I want to hang out with.”
Wing also noted that, even when unaffiliated students are included in Greek events, it may not be a positive experience.
Though the system is “relatively open,” he said that it can be hard to attend events at houses where a potential new member was rejected.
“I can see how going back to these houses is like a slap in the face,” he said.
However, many unaffiliated students said that the experience changes significantly over time.
Becca Rothfeld ’14 said that as she moved through her career at the College, more people respected her choice to not join a Greek house.
This came to a head during her senior thesis presentation. When she walked into the lecture hall, her friends — many of whom had gone inactive or remained unaffiliated — filled the room. One friend wrote her a poem, and another brought a sign displaying embarrassing pictures of Rothfeld, a gesture she described as endearing.
“It almost felt like a birthday party,” she said. “Everyone put aside their lives to listen to me. I realized this is a wonderful academic space.”
Rothfeld added that although her network was primarily academic, turning 21 was also an empowering experience — not because she really wanted to drink, but because she had access to alcohol outside of the Greek system.
Fischer Yan ’14 said that for her, a moment of clarity came during an off-term in Boston over her junior summer. On previous off-terms, Yan said that many of the students she met were concerned with their affiliation — members of the same fraternity would still only go out with each other, she said, even outside of campus.
But in Boston, Yan said that a recent alum reached out to her.
“She took me under her wing — every time she went out, she would invite me — she took me out for my birthday,” Yan said. “So many Dartmouth alums can see past their affiliation. I think gaining that perspective is huge.”
Back on campus, the social communities outside of Greek spaces on campus give both affiliated and unaffiliated students a deep sense of community.
Thienan Dang ’16 said that, after deciding to be unaffiliated, she found her community on campus at the Aquinas House.
On an October evening, Dang gathered with other parishioners in the house’s spacious, newly-painted green basement for a community-cooked meal. After a quick prayer, the group dug into homemade bread, grilled vegetables and beef stew.
“It’s a home-cooked meal — what else could you want,” Dang said.
Dang said that the house functions as a house of worship, a study space, and a community center. The house is never locked.
She added the decision not to rush has been a great learning experience for her.
“It was difficult at first — my friends were wearing letters and hanging out with their new friends,” Dang said. “I get to find Dartmouth for myself and make my own things happen.”
