Sept. 15 - Frat Boy Freestyle Machine - w4m (Collis)
I heard your voice yesterday before I even saw you. I was turned around at the Freestyle Coke machine, having already accepted that mixing the grape and strawberry Fanta flavors would be the most interesting part of my day. I heard you shout behind me — you yelled “yoooooooooooooo” enthusiastically as a friend of yours walked up. I spun around, and your overwhelming dapperness drowned out the conversation for me. You had the most beautiful dirty blonde hair that was just shaggy enough to look purposeful — perhaps you were two or three hours overdue for your biweekly touch up. You wore a pressed white Vineyard Vines button-up and a pair of bold, salmon-colored pants. Next to you were two of your friends, one in a white Ralph Lauren button-up and salmon pants, the other in a blue Vineyard Vines button-up and salmon-colored shorts. I briefly heard you mention that you were considering dropping your economics major and picking up government modified with econ. As my eyes gently slid down your figure, I saw that your Sperrys were clearly not new. They were handsome in the way Gatsby was handsome, and yet so effortlessly worn in the right spots. I can tell you’re a man who knows how to work hard but frat even harder. Dartmouth can be a hard place to find love, but you’re obviously different from the other men on campus. I’d love to find you again. Is there a line on taking you out for drinks?
Sept. 29 - Can I Help Who's Next? - m4w (Novack)
Those were the first words I ever heard leave your mouth, and I’ll never forget them. I was walking to my 10A last week after pulling my first all-nighter of the term, and the entire world seemed so bleak that the only fitting breakfast I could imagine was Novack sushi left in the fridge from the night before. As the line dwindled, I noticed you glancing back at me every time you swiped someone’s ID. By the time I finally made it to the counter, I couldn’t remember what I’d come to order. I got a Greek yogurt because the girl in front of me had, and it was the only thing I could think of as you locked eyes with me. When you asked what flavor, I blurted out blueberry because it reminded me of staring into your deep, ocean blue eyes for so long. I visit every single morning hoping to see you there, but I get cold feet every time I see you ask another student if they’d like their hot pocket heated up. Maybe if you see this, I can take you out for dinner sometime, somewhere they won’t ask “DBA or meal swipe” at the end?
Sept. 30 - Presidential Burden - w4m (Pres. Lawn)
I missed what might have been one of the most powerful connections in the history of Dartmouth College. As my successor, I helped make sure you would be an excellent fit here. You came to my office to talk about the future of the College, and we continued to talk several times during my last few months as President. Before I got to know the real you, though, I was beckoned by the siren call of the rolling hills of North Carolina. While distance may separate us right now, I look forward to getting to know the real man behind the mustache. I’m not looking for anything romantic, but think of the legacy we could leave behind if we joined forces and worked in tandem. When the stress of the job becomes too much, it can be hard to talk to people. No one understands the burdens of being president like a fellow president. If these feelings are mutual, if you too can see what we could do together, contact me immediately. You have my information.
Oct. 1 - The Dog Days are Over - w4d (Phi Delt)
I walk by your house almost every day on my way to class, but you’ve always been too busy getting attention from other girls to ever really notice me. Two days ago, I was a few minutes early for class, so I decided to linger on the edge of your yard for a few minutes and watch you play with the other students like I’d wish you played with me. That’s when, after months of walking silently by, you finally glanced in my direction. I could’ve sworn you were running toward me with that tennis ball in your mouth before that blonde girl grabbed you for a selfie. I would’ve stayed longer, but class was about to begin and attendance is 15 percent of the grade. I have three dogs at home, and I feel so lonely here without them. Sometimes I think it would be nice to have a big, furry friend who doesn’t always need to talk. You seem like a good listener. Maybe one day I’ll pass by the yard and we can play a game of fetch or something. I’m really just looking to make some good friends on this campus. Until then, I’ll just keep liking all of those other Facebook photos of you, wishing I were cool enough to be your friend.
