Why am I writing this column? I have no clue. It’s my senior year, and I feel like I’m still a freshman. Correction: my knowledge of many Dartmouth traditions — i.e. the lyrics to our alma mater — is minimal despite my best efforts to inundate myself in our “campus culture” (i.e. Bean boots). Until I saw the giant sign, I thought the Triangle House was KD’s new physical plant.
As I try to navigate my way through Hanover, I think it’s essential to stay up to date with what’s going on in the real world. The world outside the bubble makes more sense to me and is far more interesting — plus there’s more salacious gossip to study. This is my excuse for the copious amount of reality television I watch regularly. There’s also a lot to be learned from current events — for instance, I’ve got some insight into our legal system through Teresa Giudice’s fraud charges.
More than anything, access to the Internet at all times keeps me sane — and distracted — in the woods of New Hampshire. After all, what would I do without the treasure trove that is my collection of Facebook friends. The worst kind of Facebook friends are:
1. The person who puts “breaking news” in their status as if they are indeed your source for worldly happenings.
2. The [uninformed] political junkie — “If Obama wins this election, I’m moving to Canada!”
Often these types are one in the same.
Beyond my precious cyber community, it always surprises me how relevant current events are to my life in the “woods” of Hanover, which leads me to the topic (or what is intended to be the topic) of this first column: the iPhone 6 and whatever else was unveiled at Apple’s tech conference.
All the buzz around the new iPhone got me thinking about two things:
1. Why did I upgrade from the 4S to the 5 in July?
2. The only technological improvement to iPhones that has been particularly relevant to my life is the addition of the selfie camera years ago.
Remember when the awkward raised arm would betray that you had taken the picture yourself? Or when it wasn’t cool to take photos of yourself and was just plain creepy? Ah, nostalgia. Unlike faster Internet speeds, the selfie camera has been life-changing for millions — perhaps billions, there’s no way of knowing — of self-involved human beings around the world.
Selfies are glorified, more sophisticated mirror pics. However, that still raises the question, why the craze? Selfies are like a larger-scale version of the planking fad, but unlike planking, selfies require no skill or core strength (phew). And while I’ll admit it looks cooler to be in a picture with some crazy backdrop than to be behind the lens, the sudden selfie obsession is downright annoying.
And I don’t just mean the selfies people have been taking with corpses. Case in point — Kim Kardashian on her 352-page book of selfies: “I’m going to make some super-racy. I mean, every girl takes full pictures of their [rear] in the mirror...I might share some of them.” Yes, that quote happened. Then again, I’m pretty sure the Kardashian-Jenner clan was texting during the moment of silence for Ferguson at the MTV VMAs. Nothing is sacred.
And it’s not just families whose claim to fame is the acquittal of O.J. Simpson and (debatably) releasing one’s own (daughter’s) sex tape. I expect more from the leader of the free world. What perhaps bothers me the most is that some of the most prominent people on the planet keep fueling the fire. Don’t you have some golfing to do, President Obama? But if Obama thinks it’s kosher to take a selfie at a funeral, how can the rest of us be expected to act appropriately ever again?
Should we just live our lives a little more? Imagine a night out at Dartmouth without a cell phone — without any of your friends or literally anybody having a cell phone. Did students in the ’90s have pagers? Wouldn’t it be liberating to just rid ourselves of all cellular devices and technology for an evening or two?
Actually, I’ve been down that road before. We all have. I distinctly recall freaking out when I was told I couldn’t bring my phone — then a Blackberry — on Trips. I’d just planned to keep it plugged into the wall of the cabin we were staying in. But there was no cabin. Of course, I reunited with my cellular device at the end of trips — to a disappointing number of texts and notifications. But despite that outcome, it’s not an exercise I’m trying to repeat. After all, I have a responsibility to inform my two-person readership. ’Sup, Phil Hanlon?
