A small crowd gathered in the hallway of the third floor of McCulloch Hall. Holli Weed ’14 sat with her back against the far wall and spoke in a clear, assured voice to her residents. She gestured to the dozen homemade cupcakes with chocolate frosting in the middle of the room.
Weed’s composure and commitment shine not only at the floor meetings she organizes as an undergraduate advisor but also at the public events and private meetings she frequents to confront the issue of sexual assault at the College. Since her freshman fall, Weed has fought to change the campus climate surrounding sexual violence — a topic that many are reluctant to tackle.
Weed grew up in a small rural town in California. The school system lacked comprehensive sex education, and when several classmates became pregnant, birth control remained hard to come by. The subject of sexual assault was generally taboo. Once Weed arrived at Dartmouth, she decided to participate in Sexperts to promote sexual health and healthy body image.
“I realized back then there were things we could be doing better as a community to support survivors, and I felt like it was no longer ethical for me to be pursuing sex ed,” Weed said. “I promptly switched to sexual violence.”
While remaining a Sexpert, she joined Movement Against Violence, then known as Mentors Against Violence, her freshman winter, and she later became a sexual assault peer advisor and UGA. Her involvement in the Student and Presidential Committee on Sexual Assault has also allowed her to formulate campus policy on sexual violence, as when she reorganized the UGA curriculum for sexual assault.
She restructured the sexual violence floor meeting, a component of the First-Year Residential Experience program. Once an old mediation that only contained several instances with a woman as the victim and a man as the perpetrator, Weed’s revamped program is all gender-neutral, with added information about perpetrators’ behaviors as well as the actions they take to test boundaries and target vulnerable individuals. She included more statistics and expanded the scope of sexual violence to stalking violence and harassment.
Over the years, students have simply arrived at her dorm after hearing that she is a good resource through a network of other students, which she said began to form after she had undergone expert training her freshman fall. This way, she remains accessible to students who need help in residence halls after hours.
“When an individual comes to my room seeking help or information, I feel very honored that the person has sought me out,” she said. “Not the happiest occasion. I try to treat it with sensitivity.”
Conversations, she said, mostly depend on how much a survivor would want to share. Some survivors offer explicit descriptions of sexual assaults they suffered. Others are more guarded. No matter what, Weed focuses on discussing options, such as other contacts to whom she could refer survivors, without swaying survivors on which course to pursue.
“I try to give people back their control,” she said. “I don’t step in and save people.”
Weed believes that sharing her opinions with peers who are not necessarily sexual assault survivors can slowly influence people’s perceptions of sexual violence on campus. She hopes both to communicate that sexual assault does happen at the College and to educate peers about what constitutes sexual assault.
Interactions with people with divergent perspectives, she said, are some of the most rewarding aspects of her activism. Some reach out to her first to acquire more information about sexual assault and often, misconceptions surface in these dialogues. She added that once in a while, she witnesses instances of victim-bashing, and that she intervenes in those situations and tries to explain in a non-confrontational manner how that behavior poses a harm to others in the community.
“Maybe I have one conversation with them, and I move them an itty bit forward, and I make them more aware of what is going on around them,” she said.
Still, Weed said her activism can become emotionally taxing. Some conversations she has with survivors are especially challenging. When she stays up through the night with a survivor, she gets exhausted.
“When I see someone hurting, and I know I can’t give them enough support, those feelings are both really hard for me,” she said.
As Weed elaborated on the emotions infused in the stories she heard, she choked up. She paused a moment before continuing.
“No one should feel like the support networks at this college don’t work for them.”
When Weed first became involved in sexual assault activism, she had difficulty taking care of herself while caring for others at the same time, she said. Often, she would be in a terrible mood after staying up all night with a survivor. She initially struggled to convey her emotional stress to her friends, but this, she said, has gotten easier with improved communication skills and her friends’ understanding and support.
And Weed has focused on self-care, too, allowing herself to have bad days despite what she calls the common expectation that Dartmouth students must be constantly happy.
To unwind, Weed takes walks around Occom Pond, makes art projects with friends and goes mini golfing, roller blading and bowling.
“It might seem like small things,” she said. “But sometimes, you just need to take half an afternoon and do something off campus.”
Weed also participates in several other campus activities, including Alpha Xi Delta sorority, though she said she remains most dedicated to sexual violence issues. She also emphasized that she sees a connection between her activism against sexual assault and her advocacy for body positivity and mental health. She explores these issues as a UGA, as well.
Livia Clandorf ’17, one of Weed’s residents, said that Weed brings dedication and commitment to the role.
Clandorf said that even after a long day, Weed remains ready to support her residents and actively follow the events in their lives.
Weed’s friend and Student and Presidential Committee on Sexual Assault vice chair Carla Yoon ’15 echoed Clandorf’s statement.
“She really emphasizes self-care but really tries to be there and sacrifices her time and her work and her energy for other people,” Yoon said.
In the future, Weed would like to see improved mental health services for survivors and students in general at the College. The College needs to help students deal with various stress factors of life at Dartmouth by offering four-year counseling for those who desire such an option, she said. She also recommended that the College prioritize student health concerns even in situations where a student is not in immediate danger.
She acknowledged that it is difficult to build resources that work for everyone. But she said this realization does not reduce the need for addressing some survivors’ concerns that the College’s networks and policies have let them down.
Still, she stressed that Dartmouth has improved since she started working on sexual assault, especially seen in the addition of the more intimate living learning communities and proposed sexual assault policy.
In fact, Weed expressed optimism that Dartmouth would reduce the prevalence of sexual assault. She said the College’s strong sense of community can inspire students to speak out, making Dartmouth the best place to work on the issue. Her desire to capitalize on this strength motivates her.
Weed said administrators have stayed up late to help her with projects, called to check on her after a hard day and volunteered to come speak at her floor meetings. Faculty have also been a rock, and alumni often phone her to offer assistance.
“When I look at a school like Dartmouth that has so much support,” she said, “I think that we could be one of the first campuses to eradicate sexual violence.”
Weed plans to continue her work in combating sexual violence on campus after she graduates in June. Next year, she will serve as a Presidential Fellow tasked with student life issues, sexual violence in particular. She said she hopes to develop her passion for these issues into a career, potentially working on a college campus in student affairs.
With the support of others on campus, Weed is able to push through the hard parts of her job.
“After helping someone piece their life back together, after getting a policy passed, it feels like I am standing at the top of Baker Tower,” she said. “It’s an amazing feeling.”
