When I came to Dartmouth, I, like many others, thought that Greek life was not for me. I always felt that I would not enjoy the process of joining a house or like the system once inside. And yet I decided to rush. The alternative, being on the outside, seemed like a scary and daunting prospect. How would I maintain friendships and go to social events if I was not affiliated?
On the first day of rush, I noticed something was off. The selection process, though it felt arbitrary, caused me to question relationships with affiliated upperclassmen. I went from feeling like I had close-knit social circles established through my extracurricular activities, such as my a cappella group, to believing that rush had changed them all. The process made me feel self-conscious wherever I went. This was especially true after I learned that I had not received a bid from any house. When you sing in an a cappella group with only four sophomores, it’s fair to think that all the upperclassmen would be pulling for you during recruitment deliberations, right? Were these people who I considered my support network even my friends?
I could barely look at any of the women I knew. “Maybe these people are not really my friends,” I thought. “Or maybe I’m not good enough. Or maybe Dartmouth was a mistake.”
For some, the ends justify the means of women’s rush. For me, the means were almost too much to handle — I decided to go abroad rather than re-rush. The recruitment process made me feel that everything I had worked to build my freshman year had been in vain.
My sophomore fall, I had to pick up my friends from their Greek houses when they were too drunk to function. I held my friends’ hair back while they threw up from the amount of alcohol their “sisters” or “brothers” gave them. It blew me away how people could get so wrapped up in their houses — so much so that they lost a bit of themselves along the way. I remember how I felt in high school, how repulsed I was when someone asked if I would allow myself to be hazed. I thought my friends at Dartmouth were the type of people who agreed, and I was sad to see that some of my peers had lost sight of their convictions.
I do not necessarily think we should end the Greek system. Each one of us needs a community here. While I am fortunate to have found communities outside of the Greek system, many students are content finding theirs on the inside. But the process of joining the Greek system was alienating enough to deter me from being affiliated altogether.
The way houses recruit and induct new members is the greatest issue I have with the Greek system. Though we pride ourselves on being different from other schools whose rush consists of catty, superficial judgments and severe hazing, I think we are no different. For one week, the environment in the houses and the attitudes of otherwise great people change. I challenge everyone this term to critically engage with your houses about the rush process. Houses should strive to ensure that fewer girls go home feeling worthless, alone and isolated as I did that fall. These efforts should not stop once potential new members join the houses; rather, the houses should aspire to treat their new members the way a sister or brother would actually treat a sibling — with kindness.
To all those who remain unaffiliated, whether or not by choice, your lives at Dartmouth do not end because you are not in a Greek house. My friends have never let my affiliation stand in the way of hanging out, on frat row or in alternative spaces. If you’d rather not engage in the Greek system, you can throw yourself even further into other communities on campus. In fact, many of the women in my a cappella group have said that our singing group is a more fulfilling sisterhood than any sorority could ever be.
Though the Greek system may feel like the only option, it is perfectly possible and plausible to be a fulfilled unaffiliated student. I recognize that for some people, their Greek houses are their primary communities, but that is no reason to ignore the hazing of new members or the issues inherent in the recruitment process. Even those women who participate fully in Greek life should recognize the issues in their community and seek to demand a better, less degrading rush process.
Arakelian '14 is a guest columnist.
