First-world problems had never been so relevant until a week ago, when I took my phone out of my pocket and realized with horror that it would not turn on. After several frantic hours of trying to charge and defrost it, I finally threw it against a wall, gave up and mailed the thing home to get it fixed. I woke up the next morning to a day that went something like this:
9:00 a.m. — Was unable to procrastinate with Candy Crush before getting out of bed. Unhappily got out of bed.
9:53 a.m. — Left my room for class.
10:05 a.m. — Showed up late to class because I couldn’t keep track of my pace and didn’t realize that I had been walking too slowly.
10:10 a.m. — Was desperate to know how much longer class would last.
11:05 a.m. — Realized that I couldn’t text anyone for lunch. Went to Collis by myself.
11:15 a.m. — Decided that I had nothing to do while awkwardly standing in the stir-fry line alone. Scratched at the nail polish on my fingernails.
11:17 a.m. — Still in the stir-fry line, I enviously watched the girl in front of me beat a level of Candy Crush.
11:40 a.m. — Sat down to eat and realized that I had no way of knowing when to leave for my next class.
12:10 p.m. — Became eternally indebted to a friend who let me borrow his watch for the week. Wore a men’s watch for a week.
2:40 p.m. — Witnessed a Snapchat-worthy moment and couldn’t do anything about it. Teared.
4:05 p.m. — Remembered that I hadn’t been able to check blitz all day. Opened my computer to 43 unread emails.
5:35 p.m. — Finally figured out how to use iMessage on my computer. Realized that my contacts weren’t synced and that the only number I had memorized was my mom’s. Was never happier to be able to text my mom.
7:40 p.m. — Told my friends at dinner about how it’s actually kind of nice to not always be engrossed in your phone. Was ignored because everybody was engrossed in their phone.
9:05 p.m. — Found that procrastinating on Netflix is much more time-consuming than procrastinating on Instagram. Watched four episodes of “Scandal” instead of doing any work.
1:00 a.m. — Went to sleep.
When I finally got my phone back in the mail, I barely glanced at the 91 messages, eight missed calls, two voicemails and 13 Snapchats. The first thing I did was check my Candy Crush to make sure that I didn’t have to start again from the first level.
