I've always subscribed to the fatalistic idea that I'm not able to shape my future, or even fully control my actions and behaviors. I was born with a set of attributes, and these attributes are shaped by the circumstances I was born into. So I'm basically helpless we're all helpless, and we're careening toward some endgame that we can't quite predict.
Obviously, this is an oversimplification of reality. I know I'm responsible for myself and accountable for my actions (no need to panic!). However, looking at my four years at Dartmouth, I can't help but think that I've been pushed and pulled by countless forces I haven't been in control of at all, and this has led me somewhere that I wasn't exactly expecting. As a freshman, I happened to be placed in the River cluster, where I happened to live down the hall from two people who became my best friends. I happened to make a friend in the Dartmouth Symphony Orchestra who invited me to her birthday party, where I happened to meet a guy who, in many ways, changed my life, for better and for worse. He convinced me to join this newspaper, and I eventually became an editor. That singular experience has informed my future plans more than any other I came into Dartmouth thinking I would be a doctor, and now I'm not sure what I'm going to be. The chain of events that brought me here was entirely unexpected and shaped more by luck and chance than by my own agency. My four years in college weren't what I thought I wanted when I was in high school, but they were better.
I can't pretend that I deserve anything that I've experienced. With the recent cultural upheaval at the College, I've become acutely aware of my luck and privilege. I've come to terms with the fact that there is no universal "Dartmouth experience," and despite all the mythology, this school alone is not capable of generating happiness. I just got lucky. Frankly, I wouldn't even be here if I didn't have a father who was an alumnus. I wouldn't have gotten in, and I was intimidated by this school's conservative reputation. As an awkward gay high school student who felt pretty out of place, nothing about going to Dartmouth made sense in 2009.
But that was four years ago, and fortunately my time here has since been validated. The random series of events that has led me to this stage in my life has been just that: random. No matter what year you are, think back on your own experiences at Dartmouth. Think about the coincidences, the misfortunes, the chance encounters, the accidents, everything that led to where you are today. Even if your time at Dartmouth didn't live up to your expectations, you are undoubtedly not where you thought you would be. Your life has been molded by the arbitrary cross-section of people you were exposed to and the myriad experiences that you couldn't necessarily predict.
I definitely wouldn't say that my coming here and my experiences at Dartmouth could be attributed to fate or destiny. Fate is a silly idea, and I don't believe that there is any larger plan. If there is, I definitely don't think I fit into it. My life at Dartmouth has been four swirling years of entropy, but it would be inaccurate to say that I have had no constants. I want to end by thanking the two people that have shaped my time here the most, and I can't believe it's been nearly four years since we met in the basement of French. Caroline and Reese, you have been there for me since the beginning, and I love you both. You two have been there by my side amidst all the chaos and change from Hanover to Europe to New York, beyond pledging and choosing majors and relationships and coming out.
For the rest of you soon-to-be graduates, I only hope you've been as lucky as me. I'll see you on the other side.
