Yikes. That is the best word to sum up E!'s new reality show, "What Would Ryan Lochte Do?," which premiered Sunday evening. The show features none other than Olympic swimmer Lochte for a full half-hour, which is why a hearty series of "yikes" are in store. Yikes, how can E! have enough palatable material for an entire season? Yikes, who allowed Lochte, who has the looks of a Grecian god but significantly fewer speaking skills, to do endorsements beyond modeling? There are many questions here, and it is unlikely any of them are going to be answered.
The show's titular question? Well, Ryan Lochte doesn't do much of anything beyond looking for a girlfriend and coming up with rather asinine catchphrases. Sadly, even his catchphrases aren't that endearing: saying "Jeah!," "Go big or go home" and asking if his friends are "going to turn it up tonight," (while wearing a T-shirt that says "turn it up") gets old quickly.
Despite Lochte's dunce status, he's not a horrible person as many Olympic followers might have assumed. His disposition could be described by first imagining a puppy chasing its tail; Lochte is cute and objectively lovable. Now imagine the same puppy eating its leash while you're trying to walk it, it's endearing and only slightly annoying. There we have Ryan Lochte.
So, did anything actually happen on the show's premiere? Not really. If you've seen the show's trailers, which feature Lochte showing off his shoe collection, reminiscing about his family or looking for a girlfriend in a dark bar, then you've seen pretty much all there is to see, but some things were of particular note.
When asked about the media's negative portrayal of him as a "d-bag," Lochte asked for serious clarification on the word's definition and confessed he honestly doesn't know what the word means. In many interview segments, Lochte blanks out, losing his train of thought. It's here where the show is the most cringe-worthy, yet it's really hard to say anything truly bad about the swimmer, as he is good-natured and well-intentioned despite being somewhat of a clown.
Viewers get to see some of Lochte's clowning, which includes drunken golfing, and it's during these moments that one completely forgets he is a world-class, Olympic-caliber athlete. In previews for other episodes, Lochte is shown turning up to practice with a horrendous hangover.
The real crux of the show is Lochte's close relationship with his family, and it is this aspect of the series that will probably keep it afloat, at least for a little while. Their relationship advice creates an interesting dynamic and gives the audience a real, human side of Lochte as opposed to his often caricatured one.
Reality shows aren't exactly known for being vehicles of increasing a star's popularity; more often than not a reality show brings out the worst in its protagonists. Bravo's "Real Housewives" of just about any city is more example than necessary. So, while Lochte's show might be more of an opportunity to just watch the hunky athlete waltzing around shirtless, I hope it remains as such. I hope Lochte retains his dopey earnestness.
One aspect of the show that is unsettling is Lochte's recent talk show appearances to promote the show. So far, he's been laughed at by television anchors and audiences alike for his less-than-stellar responses, with quotes such as "if you're a man at night, you need to be a man in the morning." While one might find it hard not to laugh, I would hope that we can remain laughing with Lochte, and not completely at him.
If you need to mute your television in order to do so, so be it. Jeah! Hashtag Lochte nation, y'all.
