When the NBA lockout threatened to destroy the entire 2012 season of one of my favorite sports, I nearly lost it. The odds of losing the season grew faster than Barry Bond's head during the BALCO era, and I started slipping into chronic depression. If the Player's Association and the owners didn't come to an agreement, I would have flipped out worse than Gollum in "The Lord of the Rings."
Thankfully, the two sides came to an agreement in the final hour and saved the entire campus from seeing my best Smeagol impression. Without basketball, I wouldn't have had anything to do every Thursday. I wouldn't have had a reason to scream at my TV like it stole something from me. I couldn't spend 70 percent of my classroom time obsessing over NBA statistics. I wouldn't have had the audacity to suggest to my international economics professor that my final project should be about the shooting statistics of international NBA players instead of the effect of trade unions on interest rates. Most importantly, I would not have been able to write my favorite column of the year: NBA playoff predictions.
Now that all the cobwebs are shaken off from the lockout (except the permanent cobwebs in Lamar Odom's brain), the playoffs are shaping up to be one of the most exciting tournaments of the year. In a little under two weeks, the regular season ends, and we'll finally know the seeds. I've been studying the league all year, so I've decided to predict who will end up with the top four spots in each conference. I also gave each team a spirit animal just for the hell of it. Today, I'll start with the Eastern Conference.
- Chicago Bulls
The Bulls currently sport the NBA's best record, and I don't see anyone challenging them for the remainder of the season. Chicago is simply too good and too deep to lose regular season games, and the team is scary because of its versatile game and its dominance on defense. The Bulls lead the league in rebounds per game and are top five in assists. Did I mention the team has played 23 games without 2011 MVP Derrick Rose?
Now that journeyman Rip Hamilton is finally producing points, the Bulls are a force to be reckoned with. Chicago has a bad habit of choking in big games. This is a great regular season team, but the playoffs always seem to be a different beast. This will be the year, but Rose has to carry the team in clutch moments.Spirit Animal: The Bull
Yeah, I know this was a cheap one, but like a bull, Chicago rarely tires and is tough to take down. Even when injured, the team finds a way to keep running.
- Miami Heat
Although the Heat has cooled down since its incredible start, LeBron James, Dwyane Wade and that tall, dinosaur-looking dude are determined to finally win a championship with the dream team they assembled last year. This team has the most athletic and talented trio in the league and creates a matchup nightmare for nearly every squad in the East. If this team can avoid Boston and Orlando, expect them to play for the title again.Spirit Animal: The Cheetah
Its fast and flashy style leaves its opponents terrified and its fans in awe.
- Boston Celtics
This team looked dead in the first months of the season. We all know that Paul Pierce probably sold his soul to the devil to be able to play so long (and be so good) in the NBA. Now, the Celtics are playing the best ball in the league and they are the (literal) kryptonite for the Miami Heat. The Big Three have to stay healthy, and Rondo has to be emotionally stable if the Celtics want to make it all the way in.Spirit Animal: The Elephant
Wise and old, the Celtics improve with age.
- The Orlando Magic
The good news is that Dwight Howard committed for an extra year. The bad news is that this team plays the most inconsistent basketball in the league. When they're hot, they can't be stopped. If they're cold in May, don't expect them to last too long. As much as it hurts me to call out my hometown team, I don't think this will be the year the team wins the championship.Spirit Animal: The Monkey
Like our jungle buddy, the Magic are unpredictable and either wildly entertaining or horrifically dysfunctional.
I'm excited for the playoffs there will be some of the most competitive matchups in recent history. Tune in next week for my Western Conference top four.
