Memes seem to be the new rage in the tiny, insular bubble we call Dartmouth College. Although I have not personally added my own creation to this newfound stream of social criticism, an old buddy of mine who goes to Princeton (don't judge his character by his institution, he's one of the few gems who just happens to live in the douchebag capital of the world) turned my excited face into a meme about things I cannot mention in this publication.
My meme would be a picture of Kel from the classic Nickelodeon sitcom "Keenan and Kel" holding a bottle of orange soda. The caption would say, "Sorry, orange soda, I love the NBA playoffs more than you. I do, I do, I dooo-ohhh."
That's how much this matters to me. I watched the 2011 NBA Finals on my cell phone during my niece's kindergarten graduation. Last week, I predicted the top four in the Eastern Conference, so now it's time for the West. I've put countless hours of thought into these rankings, and I've added hybrid spirit animals just to spice things up.
- San Antonio Spurs
I just don't understand the Spurs. Every year, the players get one step closer to a nursing home but the team still manages to win games. After a slow start, the Spurs have hit their stride at the right time. San Antonio has only lost two games in the month of April and only has one more matchup against a playoff-bound squad. Look for the aging-proof Spurs to coast into the playoffs well-rested and ready to battle for the Western Conference crown.
Hybrid Spirit Animal: The Liger
Regal. Powerful. Inspiring. This lion-tiger combination is the undisputed king of the savannah. Like the liger, the Spurs are respected by every team in the league. Although it's not as flashy or eye-catching as the other hybrids, the liger can go toe-to-toe with any predator in the wild.
- Oklahoma City Thunder
Two weeks ago, I thought the Thunder was the best team in the league. OKC followed up a huge win against the Chicago Bulls with an absolutely dismal April. Durant and co. are 5-5 in their last 10 and have not beaten a single playoff team since the Bulls on the first of the month. The Thunder will have to deal with its growing pains quickly if it wants to avoid a first-round upset.
Hybrid Spirit Animal: Leopon
The leopon is a combination of a lion and a leopard. It is well respected across the wild but it still lives in the liger's shadow. The Thunder will have to take down its older brother, the Spurs, if it hopes to establish itself as the new king of the Western Conference.
- Memphis Grizzlies
Memphis is the sleeper team that I think has the potential to sneak its way into the NBA championship. Nothing makes sense about this squad. The best two players on the team are Rudy Gay and Marc Gasol. Marc Gasol is a poor man's Pau Gasol, and Rudy Gay is a fairly average forward who somehow manages to score 20 points a game. On paper, this team should be horrible. For some reason, the Grizzlies play with a chip on their shoulder and find ways to win big games. Don't forget this squad almost won the West last year without Gay. This team is a giant killer, and don't be surprised if you see it in the championship.
Hybrid Spirit Animal: The Grolar Bear
The grolar bear is a cross between a polar bear and a brown bear. Like the grolar bear, don't piss off the players of the Memphis Grizzlies or they will send you home in tears.
- Los Angeles Lakers
Normally the Lakers would be higher on this list, but Kobe Bryant's injuries are troubling. The only thing worse than a healthy Kobe taking too many shots is an injured Kobe taking too many shots. Kobe is going to shoot he's cocky, so he'll always try to be the hero. If he doesn't learn how to realistically manage his condition, the Lakers won't make it past the second round.
Hybrid Spirit Animal: The Donkra
The Donkra is a cross between a zebra and a donkey. This is the ugliest hybrid animal I could find. I hate the Lakers.
I wanted to include the Clippers in this final power ranking, but Blake Griffin's free throw problem will be exploited in the playoffs. Good teams with good coaches won't allow him to get close enough to the basket to dunk.
By the way, the only thing better than owning a liger would be seeing all of these games in person. I can't wait for the excitement to begin.
