It's hard to use sinks when they're clogged. I have personal experience in this field, having walked into my bathroom only to find one sink filled with a pungent and chunky orange vomit, and the other with what (I think) were 10 soggy granola bars.
I have seen four years of this, so naturally my gag reflex has long died. I continued to use those sinks in Gile for a week. Eventually, my UGA blitzed out, "WHO PUKED IN THE SINK?" Our floor was fined, and the sink-clogging perpetrator was never found. This is a relatively tame story, but it's a common one that shouldn't downsize a much overlooked problem.
Acts of drunken vandalism, often involving bodily fluids, are rampant and plague our college's facilities. No bathroom, common room or unlocked dorm is safe from those nasty acts of projectile vomit, urine and even defecation. Enough is enough! I am tired of stumbling into my shower, fearing whether or not I will possibly step in another person's literal shit or be wading in last night's EBAs instead of water.
One can't help but wonder how some of the smartest kids in the country can perform such barbaric deeds. The majority of these crimes seem to occur in Greek houses that are open during the weekend.
"It makes total sense," Joey Anthony '12, the house manager of Alpha Chi Alpha fraternity, said. "People go out to let loose and for some, that means also their bodily functions."
As houseman, Anthony has dealt with a gamut of sticky situations, including a "bomb drop" (defecation) on the front porch and the all-too-common toilet with "vomit everywhere but the toilet bowl."
Phil Grisdela '12, the house manager for Chi Gamma Epsilon fraternity, recalled a particularly messy situation when someone ripped a urinal off the wall. Both Grisdela and Anthony said that while sometimes members will clean up the mess for themselves or friends, the culprit is rarely found.
This is a campus-wide epidemic, and these messy acts are certainly not limited to the confines of frat basements. Often, it hits close to home. Literally.
Sarah Scully '12, for example, was a victim of an egregious drunken act committed in her room in a Fayerweather residence hall.
"I walk in there and I smell something horrible, [so] I turn on the light and there it [defecation] is splattered all over my desk and chair," she said. "I was shocked some rando came into my room."
Scully is a member of The Dartmouth Staff.
This was troubling. It got me thinking is nothing sacred anymore? Who is this masked avenger? Was it one person? Or was it a gang of poop/vomit -loving men/women? Was this Dartmouth's version of organized crime?
To get down to the heart of the problem, I took my investigation to Michelle Stoll, a custodian for the Butterfield and Russell Sage residence halls.
"Its just drunk kids doing dumb things", she explained. She pointed out that the mess is only a problem on weekends and that most of it comes from non-residents walking through the dorms to frat row.
"The most frustrating are things like people breaking vending machines, graffiti with shaving cream and setting off fire extinguishers," she said.
Stoll added that at the end of every weekend, it is not surprising for her to find vomit, defecation, urine and even blood in sinks, toilets, showers and "everywhere in between."
"Sometimes, I walk into the bathroom and see things on ceilings and corners and scratch my head and go, How did that get there?'" she said.
Stoll said she rarely charges floors for the sloppiness.
"It's my job," she said. "I gotta clean up whatever I see, even if its nasty."
Stoll, a custodial worker for 10 years at the College, suggested a few trends she has seen in dorm messiness throughout her time here.
"This dorm [Russell Sage and Butterfield] used to be all freshmen now there's a lot of transfers, upperclassmen, international [students]," she said. "It's a lot less dirty now."
Stoll has also cleaned College-owned sororities.
"You think those girls are all fancy, right?" she said. "Let me tell you, they're not! Love the girls there, but they can make a mess."
She was quick to correct me when I said that it was impossible for girls to be messy.
"Nope, they make just as much mess as guys," she said. "I've seen it."
When it comes down to it, we are to blame for this poop-vomit-nasty debauchery. The serial dorm destroyer could be anyone your Chem 5 lab partner, that cutie in the stacks ... or even a Mirror writer. I'll admit that I've been both a perpetrator and a victim.
The reality is, someone else is going to have to deal with your, ahem, crap in the end.
By all means, what goes in must come out, but next time, try to aim for the toilet.
