Say what you want about America over one-third of our adults are considered overweight; we don't like our president, but we like all the other options even less; "Jack and Jill" (2011), a movie in which Adam Sandler played both the male and female lead roles, opened at No. 2 at the box office and has grossed $73 million to date.
But one thing that nobody will ever be able to take away from this great country is its right to party. With many other more important things going on, Americans will fight tooth and nail to celebrate the most arbitrary and contrived occasions. Cinco de Mayo, St. Patrick's Day, the release of Justin Bieber's Christmas album these are just a few of the sacred occasions for revelry that we hold dear in the U.S. None, however, hold a candle to the Godfather of all great American excuses to have a party the Super Bowl.
NFL playoff season ranks only behind wedding season as the most festive time of the year. During this month-long stretch, watching the NFL on Sundays (and the occasional Saturday afternoon) should be observed in a religious fashion. All Goodell-fearing Americans take note there is no work to be done on the Sabbath during playoff time. Know thy place. Know thy team. Know thy couch.
Last Sunday, nearly 54 million people tuned in to watch the Patriots beat the Ravens and the Giants edge out the 49ers, making it the most watched Conference Championship Sunday in 30 years. Comparatively, Barack Obama's 2011 State of the Union address drew just 26 million viewers.
What does that say about us? That our national priorities are in dire disarray? That Tom Brady has a better economic stimulus plan than Obama? I think we should approach the matter more simply Americans stick to their guns. We know what we're good at, and we do it well. Collectively joining together to craft an inspiring vision for our country's future? Not so much. Sitting around a TV for seven hours at a time while eating snacks and drinking beer? Check.
As we enter into the two-week media explosion leading up to the big game on Feb. 5, let's not bother ourselves with the trivial details of the game itself. No, let's instead turn our attention to the parts of Super Sunday that we can control and work toward maximizing our viewing experience.
Viewing apparatus obviously of primary concern. Make sure you'll be watching the game on a decent piece of hardware. HD is not necessary, but if you're streaming this thing from DarTV on your laptop over Kiewit Voice wireless, you need to reevaluate. Generally, you should be shooting for something over 40 inches. Yes, size matters.
Seating situation The most critical element of the viewing/party experience. The trick is balancing enough seats to create a rowdy atmosphere and comfort. Three people per couch is solid, four if they all run cross-country. The veteran makes sure that he'll have somewhere to extend his legs periodically. Provide chairs when required. These can be stolen from essentially any common room on campus. Do not, under any circumstances, put yourself in a position where you may be forced to sit on the arm of a chair, or even worse the floor. "No, I promise I'm comfortable dude!" No, you're not.
Catering Food and drink are an absolute must if you're going to be in this for the long haul. The conscientious viewer makes preparations before, heroically journeying to either Topside or the Co-op an entire hour before the game even starts. For the procrastinator, I had a pleasant experience ordering C&A's during the first quarter of the Giants-Packers game. Although their wings were slightly B-side, the pizza and cheeseburger sub combination provides enough volume to achieve a comatose state. Drinks in cans are usually hassle-free, but if you choose bottles, make sure that you have a portable opener of some kind do not rely on one mounted to a wall. This will result in immense and incessant chafe for the unfortunate individual seated closest to it.
Company Friends of course, should be the first to be invited. You should be surrounded by anywhere from three to six dedicated fans of the team you are rooting for. This will allow for maximum celebrating experience, including potentially awkward missed high fives. While you're keeping your friends close, keep your enemies even closer. Approximately one-fifth of the room should consist of fans of the opposing team. Antagonism fuels conflict and keeps things interesting. It also enormously enhances gloating opportunities, which should be taken advantage of whenever possible. It's acceptable to have one or two neutral viewers, but exercise caution. When your team is trying to stave off a last-second field goal attempt to send the game into overtime, there's nothing worse than seeing the guy who has nothing invested rooting for the other team because he, as my friend Adil Khan '12 is fond of saying, "loves how mad it gets you."
