I did my first walk of shame' this summer. I walked out of a frat house at 7 a.m. on a Thursday morning wearing a neon dress and a even brighter neon helmet (bring your childhood dress-up bins, '15s, because you will use everything in them for flair) and made the 15-minute trek across campus to my off-campus house. While I was walking and thinking and trying to not make eye contact with over-enthusiastic morning joggers, I ran into a friend doing the same type of walk.
"Yeah, we hooked up."
"Yeah, us too."
Awkward silence, shuffle on.
This situation is all too typical at Dartmouth and is just one example of how confusing the "hook-up culture" can be. Many Dartmouth students may tell you that everyone hooks up, that the D-plan makes relationships nearly impossible and people avoid meaningful connections at all costs. These are all misconceptions, and I encourage you to ignore these claims.
First of all, what does hooking up' even mean? It can be everything from kissing to sex, and while this ambiguity can be nice when you don't want to go into detail about your crazy night, it can lead to the impression that everyone is having sex all the time.
This couldn't be farther from the truth. To me, hooking up' means that I made out and stayed over with a guy I'd been interested in for a while. Luckily I wasn't drunk, I didn't do anything I didn't want to do and I didn't leave with a hangover and a knot of regret in the pit of my stomach. Today that isn't me, but that feeling unfortunately happens to most people at some point.
Everyone comes to Dartmouth with different amounts of sexual experience. There are virgins and sex fanatics, straight people and those who are questioning, confident and pretending to be confident.
You drink and you dance and you find yourselves kissing that cute boy/girl from your Writing 5 class and this leads to that and then it's the morning and you're walking from the River to East Wheelock wondering if he's thinking about you and where your left sock is and how you're going to be able to discuss the reading while he's sitting across the table that afternoon.
What I'm trying to say is that it's terribly confusing. When you're in a new place trying to pick classes and join clubs and learn to play pong, throwing in a few drinks and an out-of-control libido can really make things tough.
So how can you survive at Dartmouth if you fall between immediately dating your freshman floormate and never dating anyone or dancefloormakeout-ing with every moderately attractive boy and girl at Panarchy rave? It's possible, I promise.
And now for the advice, which I invite you to take with a grain of salt. After all, I'm just one of 4,000 opinionated young adults here.
First off, not everyone is doing it. It may seem like it when you're the only person at the Heoret highlighter party not making out on the dance floor, but you're not missing much other than sweat and far too much slobber. If you want to hook up, feel free, but don't feel like you are expected to or that it's necessary to have some cliche "Dartmouth Experience." Your experience is yours alone, and it's how you feel about your place in the hook-up culture that matters.
If you want to have sex, have it and enjoy it! (by the way, Dartmouth's Sexperts provide information on how to maintain a safe, pleasure-based sex life at Dartmouth.)
Secondly, know your boundaries. Set them and repeat them, because the more solid they are, the less likely you will be to cross them after a few drinks. Things can get hazy after a few hours in a Greek house basement, and it's up to each of you to be aware and make the choices you're least likely to regret in the morning.
Also, watch out for your friends, go out in groups and become familiar with (or join!) Dartmouth's amazing resources dealing with sexual assault and peer support. Dartmouth's Mentors Against Violence and Sexual Assault Peer Advisor programs can provide help when a Friday night gets out of hand, and don't be afraid to talk about issues with (or grab free condoms from) your undergraduate advisor. Keep an eye out for your friends, your peers and yourself this is the only way to make Dartmouth the safest and most fun environment it can be.
But back to my original point, I hate that phrase, walk of shame.' I think we should change it maybe stride of pride'? Walk home disheveled and groggy as often or as rarely as you want, but never make it a walk of shame. If I had one piece of advice to incoming freshman, it would be to do what you want and to not allow anyone else to define what that is.
Have fun however you decide to within Dartmouth's hook-up culture. Remember that dating is possible, relationships can withstand the D-plan and there really are other people here looking for meaningful connections. You just might have to step out of the basement and into the fresh air to find them.
