Six female seniors recounted the lessons they have learned from abusive relationships, financial struggles and issues of sexual identity, among other challenges, at the 22nd annual Women of Dartmouth panel held in Collis Common Ground on Wednesday. The women said they hoped the audience would leave with a message of persistence, strength and courage.
Some panelists spoke on the condition of anonymity due to the personal nature of the subject matter.
Christine '11 described the difficulties she has faced while balancing four jobs each term and remaining a full-time student in order to support her family in Haiti.
While living in the United States, Christine's mother lost her small business and her house, and her father was not able to contribute financially to the family, she said. Her family moved to Haiti after the 2010 earthquake.
Because both of her parents were unemployed, Christine had to work four jobs at minimum wage at Dartmouth in order to buy food for her parents and baby brother in Haiti, she said.
"My mother is a remarkable woman, but it's hard for a mother to have to feel ashamed to ask [her daughter] for money to [buy food]," she said.
After a year and a half of working, Christine was able to save enough money to buy tickets for her family to return to the United States. Her father, however, has not been able to return to the United States due to visa problems, and Christine said she fears he will not see her walk at Commencement.
While she said she will continue to provide for her family, her message to the audience was to never give up hope.
"It's hard to still be optimistic and be happy, to work four jobs, to be the head of the family and be a full-time student and still enjoy the things that your peers can," she said. "But do not dare pity me. I will be and am fine and my message is that where there is a will, there is a way."
Another panelist spoke of the abuse she suffered from her mother when the student realized that she was lesbian. The student recounted the difficulties of coming to terms with her sexuality and dealing with her parents' homophobia.
When the student chose to play on Dartmouth's rugby team, her parents threatened to stop paying her tuition. They equated her decision to play rugby with being a lesbian, she said.
For the next two years, the student kept her participation on the team a secret from her parents by avoiding being mentioned by name in The Dartmouth, sending fake emails to her coaches declaring her intent to quit the team which she copied to her mother and lying about the academic calendar so that she could attend preseason.
Once her parents discovered that she was, in fact, still on the rugby team, they took her out of school and began an intensive program in an attempt to "make" the student straight, she said.
After an experience in which the student's mother tried to strangle her daughter, the student was granted emergency housing in Hanover and was allowed to file with the financial aid office as financially independent. The student's mother is now attending court-mandated counseling. The student said she was not speaking directly with her sisters, who blame her for "tearing the family apart."
"Dartmouth has helped me feel safe," she said. "For those LGBT students who are afraid of coming out, you are not alone."
Another senior female described how her father's emotional and physical abuse of her mother affected the student's personal decisions. She explained that because her father had been her mother's first boyfriend, the student was determined to make sure that her first relationship did not end in marriage.
Her outlook changed when she met a male student during her sophomore year at Dartmouth, she said. The two felt a strong connection and soon began a relationship, which nearly ended when he decided to withdraw from the College.
Instead, the couple moved in together in Washington, D.C., for the spring while the female student was on an off term. Her boyfriend, who did not have a job at the time, grew "bored" at home alone, and quickly became very critical of the student's acquaintances and clothing, she said.
He began to call her derogatory names, forced himself on her on several occasions and physically assaulted her.
"You are probably thinking, this could have all been prevented, that I should have walked away as soon as I saw trouble," the student said, referring to the instances when she returned to her boyfriend after having been abused. "But that's easier said than done. What people don't understand is that most abusive relationships don't start out that way. [People in abusive relationships] stay not because they like being abused, but because they believe the person they loved will come back."
Katie '11 related how her experiences as a Christian helped her to survive at Dartmouth even when she was struggling academically, when she felt as though she had lost the support of her family and when she was coping with a tumor.
Although doctors were eventually able to remove the tumor and she was able to make amends with her family, Katie said that God was the constant factor that enabled her to overcome her problems.
Mayuka '11 shared her experiences as an international student from Japan and expressed her desire to change perceptions that people both inside and outside of Japan have of Japanese women.
As a young child, Mayuka's parents decided to enroll her in an international school in Japan, prompting the rest of her family to distance itself from Mayuka for what they perceived as her abandonment of Japanese traditions.
Mayuka said that in her international school, she was taught to speak up and ask questions, traits that her extended family criticized.
When she arrived at Dartmouth, Mayuka suffered from the ignorance of several peers who had misconceptions about Japanese women, she said.
She was told that she had been "trained well to be a Japanese housewife" and that her small feet "must be because of all of the foot-binding."
As a result, Mayuka, a self-identified feminist, founded an initiative that promotes female empowerment.
"I may not fit into what others think a Japanese woman should be like, but no one can deny that I am a Japanese woman," Mayuka said.
Phoebe '11 explained how her experiences growing up in a wealthy suburban town and attending Dartmouth have framed her activism on campus.
Phoebe said that Dartmouth's fast-paced environment has made her feel very alone at times, adding that she feels as though efficiency is valued over human responsibility to others and the community.
"Dartmouth is an institution," she said. "It reinforces whiteness, class, privilege, male dominance and capitalist ethos, which are all inextricably connected."
