When one of my closest friends died tragically and unexpectedly in a Paris apartment fire on April 14, I was irrevocably heartbroken. In the time it took another close friend to tell me the news at 8 a.m. on an otherwise normal Saturday morning, my world was turned upside down. The following two weeks were a blur of phone calls, flying home, helping organize a memorial service and setting up a foundation in her name that will work to prevent similar tragedies from happening again.
It wasn't until things had settled down that the mental breakdowns started. Randomly, and usually when I was alone, I would disintegrate into a sobbing wreck. I found myself unable to concentrate on anything for more than 20 minutes at a time. Even in class, I stared off into space, completely unaware of the time passing. When my parents called me on their way back from my friend's final farewell ceremony, where her coffin was sealed in a mausoleum, I was such a disaster that I desperately consulted another close friend who suggested that I seek counseling.
I decided to take my friend's advice, so I called Dick's House and tried to schedule a counseling appointment. Friends of mine who have used Dartmouth's counseling services have had positive experiences, and I really needed to get everything off my chest and ask a trained professional for advice. But when I called, there were no appointments available for the next four and a half weeks. In other words, there was no one available to speak with me unless this was an emergency for over a month. The person who answered my call felt terrible, but they explained that there was just more demand for counseling than the office could handle, especially after the budget cuts.
What shocked me most about this experience were my conversations with other people afterwards. Instead of expressing surprise when I told them about the wait to see a counselor, many friends and acquaintances recounted similar experiences when trying to schedule an appointment. Dick's House has a counselor on call 24 hours a day, but they are reserved for "emergency" or "crisis" appointments only. When the office is closed, Safety and Security becomes the first "point of contact." That makes sense when dealing with students in danger of severe mental breakdown or suicide. But I felt that using these services as an "emergency" was dishonest because I was not at risk of hurting myself and there were potentially other students who actually needed these resources. At the same time, it seemed very unfair that there were no counselors available to help me address my grief for over a month.
Seeking counseling is an understandably sensitive topic, which may explain why this has not become a major issue at Dartmouth despite the fact that many people I know personally have also been turned away from the counseling office for more than a month at a time. And after experiencing feelings of total helplessness and bewilderment, I can now understand how a spiral into depression can take one by surprise. That's partly why Dartmouth prides itself on mental health. There is information about seeking counseling at Dartmouth in almost every bathroom stall and dormitory on campus. The College makes a point to say that this issue matters. And for real emergencies, I do think that Dartmouth has done its best to provide mental health services. But for problems like stress, anxiety, relationship issues or the death of a loved one, which don't create an immediate emergency but can weigh on someone tremendously and affect their ability to function, Dartmouth is simply not keeping its promise to students. We should have the resources to speak with a short-term counselor within a week. Otherwise it is simply dishonest for Dartmouth to claim a strong commitment to mental health.
Three weeks after my initial call to the counseling office, I got in touch with a therapist from home because I desperately needed to talk to someone. The hour and a half I spent talking through my friend's death was just the first step in a long process of healing, but it helped. Waiting almost half a term to speak with a counselor at Dartmouth was simply unrealistic. And while I was fortunate enough that I could afford an outside resource, I know that not every student at Dartmouth is as lucky. Just because a mental health issue is not an immediate emergency does not mean it can be neglected. Dartmouth should help students address their mental health in a timely manner. Perhaps, in doing so, they can help prevent the emergencies that often result from unaddressed issues.
