If you're a Dartmouth student, you don't drink beer. You drink Keystone. And it's always smooth, even when we're not. Sure, there are alternative beverages at t@ils and such, but if ambrosia is the nectar of the Greek gods, then Keystone Light is the nectar of the drinking Dartmouth student.
Keystone Light is the precipitator and the terminator of all great nights. Sink it, flip it, shotgun it, quick six it, face chug it it's never sipped. (Remember the first night you set foot in a frat basement and awkwardly reached for a can out of a 30-rack on the bar? Sigh. That was your official "Welcome to College" moment, sponsored by Keystone Light.)
But what's up with Keystone? I understand that cheap beer is a given part of the college experience, but have you ever wondered why Keystone specifically has a monopoly on the Dartmouth beer market? Why not another "economy" brew? Like Natty? Or Busch Light? Or PBR?
Well, I figured Keystone definitely hadn't cornered the market based on taste. It's not uncommon to hear alarmed Dartmouth students whisper to their friends, "Is it embarrassing that I'm starting to like the taste of Keystone?" For personal entertainment, as well as "article research," I googled "Keystone" to get some outside reviews. Does anyone genuinely like it? Some highlights from my research:
"Quite possibly the saddest attempt of a beer I've ever had."
"Why would I review such an unprestigious beer? I went to college." (Hey now!)
"The beer is overly carbonated and has a horrendously skunky aroma."
Answer: Apparently they don't.
So what's the reason for Keystone's ubiquity? As I sought an explanation, the answer seemed as elusive as the glistening peaks in the distance on the cans' logo. I turned to the one place where I knew I could find a few answers: Stinson's Village Store.
Keystone only became a Dartmouth institution about seven to 10 years ago, Jack Stinson said. "In the '70s, everyone drank Budweiser kegs," he explained. The choice of beer, he continued, has been governed by fraternities' ability to purchase the cheapest kegs available. Kegs and 16 oz. cans of Milwaukee's Best, or "The Beast," soon followed the Bud stint but were replaced by Pabst Blue Ribbon after the Milwaukee distributor got into some trouble, Stinson said. He added, however, that many fraternities, "especially Heorot" did not like the taste of PBR.
About 10 years ago, Keystone distribution began in the Northeast and its availability and pricing led to its growing popularity at Dartmouth, Stinson explained. "It was better tasting and lighter than Pabst," Stinson said, "and easy to play on tables."
"Now Keystone is what they want, no matter what. It's [Dartmouth's] beer," Stinson added.
As for the rumor that Stinson's buys 1 percent of Keystone's total output? "That rumor started from someone posting something on a website," said Stinson. "[Keystone] doesn't tell me that information because they don't want to spread any rumors." So although I can't confirm the rumor, Stinson did reveal that, "In the late '70s and early '80s, [Stinson's] sold more kegs than any store on the East Coast."
So, it appears that some people (hey, us!) do like the taste of Keystone, at least more than we enjoy PBR. (And we do in fact attend college, bitteronlinebeerreviewer25!) A mix of economy and Dartmouth taste, Keystone Light is here to stay, perhaps for as long as it's smooth.
