Why does Baker-Berry lend itself to so many awkward interactions amongst students? Every time I set foot in the library I feel like I'm drowning in the unforgivably bad habits of every other library-goer, and I want to know why. As much as I try not to be an academic asshole, I'm tempted to answer with another question: Why do students go to the library in the first place?
The obvious answer, of course, is that students go to the library to get work done. But why not study in a dorm study room? Or in a quiet room at the gym? Or a bedroom? No doubt each of these locales is used for this purpose, but there are still a LOT of students at the library on any given Sunday, Tuesday or Thursday night.
The one advantage the library has over any of these other study spots is the facetime. (And no, Novack doesn't count as an advantage eating your frat shoes would be more enjoyable than attempting to make a meal out of those poorly-microwaved colon cancer delivery systems, aka Hot Pockets.)
Baker-Berry simultaneously serves as a place to study and a place to socialize. While not inherently mutually exclusive concepts, I contend that the tension between these two goals is what leads students to be, for the most part, Darty douche bags in the library. On one hand, you're concerned for your personal academic needs, while on the other you want to piss off as many people as possible by trying to be their friend. Some of the more egregious manifestations of bad library habits include:
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Saying "hi" to people you've never spoken to outside of the library. No, I will not tell you "how it is going" when you ask I will give you a one-second response that takes less effort than locking a single stall bathroom door. I won't even pretend that I want to know who you are. Maybe you're here to socialize, but please, socialize consensually.
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Eating stir-fry in the 1902 Room or any other enclosed library space. Stir-fry never smells good, but when I go to Collis I at least know what I'm getting into. The only thing I want to smell in the 1902 Room is the frightened sweat of freshmen attempting to be as quiet as possible lest a wiser, older student stare at them for a moment in stern disapproval. This is very different from the smell of MSG and fried hormone-fed organisms. Maybe your ideal study smell is different from mine, but I can pretty much guarantee it's not the smell of stir-fry.
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Violently bobbing your headphone-garbed head up and down to the beat of the newest band Pitchfork told you to like. We get it, you are listening to music and you like it. That does not give you the right to make fun of epileptics. The only thing more annoying than this is
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HUMMING ALONG to the music that you are so obnoxiously bobbing to in a quiet study room. Don't act like you don't know what you're doing. Because you do. Because you're an asshole, and assholes always know what they are doing.
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Whispering at a louder volume than the music coming from the headphones plugged into my ears. Are you kidding me? Do you just like to talk with an airy tone of speech ineptitude, or is that an actual attempt at keeping your voice down and not disturbing other people? You know who was also really bad at whispering? Hitler.
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Using a public computer meant for students while not actually being a Dartmouth student, being eye-soreishly obese and playing Farmville for hours on end, ALL AT THE SAME TIME. Now don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with any of these things individually, and some of them can even be combined at a safe level. However, when taken as a whole, this combination will offend even the most callous of library workers.
In the end, almost every thing you do will end up offending someone in some way. But certain things will offend pretty much everyone, and that's why you shouldn't do them. Like telling people just how much work you have to do that will never get done. Maybe if you stop grinding my study gears and shut the f*ck up about how much work you'll never get done, you'll get it done. But then what would you have to talk about?
