How often do you "go out" at Dartmouth? Don't actually answer, or the person sitting next to you might mistake you for one of those schizophrenics that pretends to be having a Bluetooth conversation while walking their dog but is in fact actually talking to their dog. Instead, think about how you interpreted the question. Was I asking how often you leave your dorm room? How many times a week you hit the club scene in Hanover? How much time you spend outdoors?
Of course not. I was asking how often you drink aggressively with a bunch of other people, most likely with the assistance of a fraternity. But you already knew that, because you speak the Dartmouth code that enables students to communicate without ever explicating any aspect of their lifestyle that makes them uncomfortable. Rather than adjusting our lifestyles or flat-out ignoring the parts we don't want to acknowledge, we use a mutually understood but completely understated system of euphemisms that make it possible to disapprove of personal actions and still talk about them. In place of "Real Talk," we have "Dart Talk." Instead of asking, "Will you be binge drinking in a decrepit basement with your friends and potential hookups while waiting to get on a pong table tonight?" we ask, "Are you going out tonight?"
When you "go out," how often do you "hook up" with someone? Now, "hook up" is an interesting example of the Dartmouth code because it does not have a universal translation as does "going out." But maybe that's the point. I've heard people use "hook up" to mean everything from a five-second kiss to sexual intercourse, and everything in between. Are we really so insecure about our sexual interactions at Dartmouth that we can't discuss them beyond acknowledging the fact that they occurred? Or maybe we just want to have more sex. If we use the same word for a kiss, oral sex and sexual intercourse, then how do we differentiate the significance of these acts? "Well, if we've kissed then we've already hooked up, so why don't we just keep hooking up and have sex?"
How many "exclusive" hookups have you had at Dartmouth? That is to say, in Dartmouth Code, with how many people have you made an arrangement where you hook up with each other, do not hook up with anybody else, but limit your interactions with each other to the night hours when you are both under the influence of alcohol? If you've ever actually used the word "exclusive" with your exclusive partner, then congratulations, you're ahead of most Dartmouth students. Dartmouth students really, really do not like to label what kind of extended relationship they are having with a quasi-romantic partner. Usually, the fact that both students acknowledge that they've hooked up with each other the last six times they've been drunk suffices as an implicit agreement that they are, in fact, "exclusively hooking up."
But, if this is actually a special someone someone you really care about and you want him or her to know that you care you're ready to take the leap and say to that person, "I think we should continue to have sex with each other for a while, and we shouldn't have sex with other people." That very special kind of commitment to a romantic partner is the "exclusive hookup." For most Dartmouth students, this will be the closest they ever come to dating. Even if there is literally nothing that differentiates this kind of relationship from that of a conventional boyfriend/girlfriend, it is absolutely imperative that you never utter the words "date," "boyfriend" or "girlfriend." Because that would just be too real.
Dartmouth students have developed a unique linguistic code in order to avoid a certain level of reality in conversation. No, I do not "go out." I walk down three flights of stairs and drink beer. Yes, Jack and Jane have no qualms defining their relationship as just "mutually exclusive," but maybe they should. More than anything else, this phrase normalizes a polygamous and emotionally vapid conception of sexual encounters. Yes, maybe you just want to "play pong" because it's a fun game and don't even care about the alcohol aspect. But you're also going to be drinking half a case of beer over the course of this "athletic" endeavor. Maybe you just really like the way the ball sounds when it sinks into a full cup of beer. But maybe you also like to drink that beer.
One day, maybe we'll actually say what we mean. But this can only happen after we are comfortable enough with our actions that we can discuss them without taking euphemism lessons. No "hookups," no "going out," just Real Talk.
