My participation in recent "V-Time" events has largely been restricted to staring at promotional posters tacked to bathroom stall doors in the library. I do not claim to understand the extent to which sexual assault affects our campus. Yet it is impossible to study at Dartmouth for four years and not engage in debates about gender dynamics. Perhaps unique elements of our social system foster a distinctly volatile balance between men and women. Perhaps the situation is the same on other campuses. Whatever the origin of these debates, however, they seem to reflect a common belief that the nature of modern romance is unfavorable to women.
On Tuesday, Peter Blair '12 argued that romantic interactions reflect a "market" that has "shifted in a manner that is detrimental to women." Since the sexual revolution, Blair says, this market has become "flooded" with its main commodity sex. Blair claims that women's greater willingness to engage in premarital sex has diminished the power of sex as a bargaining tool, thus inverting the market in favor of men ("The Economics of Sex," Feb. 22).
I understand the appeal of using simple models to explain complex social behaviors. Nevertheless, these models can be misleading when based on flawed and outdated assumptions.
According to Blair's reasoning and that of his cited (male) social scientist Mark Regnerus, sexual expectations are driven by women's desire to establish stable romantic relationships and men's desire to have sex. This may have been the case in the 1950s when male and female social roles were understood to be fundamentally distinct and when women's financial stability was largely determined by their ability to attract successful husbands. However, in a society where female college students outnumber male college students and women hold powerful executive and governmental positions, male and female romantic needs can no longer be viewed in such polarized terms.
Blair's argument casts women as victims of modern social pressures that force them to engage in premarital sex and prevent them from finding long-term relationships. It ignores the possibility that women engage in more premarital sex because a) it is no longer socially unacceptable to do so and b) they enjoy it. It fails to consider the likelihood that women are less willing, rather than less able, to commit to long-term relationships.
Modern women are focused more on excelling in their educational and professional careers and less on finding an ideal mate than their counterparts have been in the past. I cannot speak for other women, but I feel fortunate to live in a society in which a woman's worth is no longer based on her perceived virginity. Women should not "band together and seize back the historical prerogatives that the sexual revolution robbed from them," as Blair suggests. Rather, they should celebrate the freedoms that it granted them.
As gender norms converge, it is only natural that attitudes between men and women regarding romantic relationships should also converge. Not all women want to be in a relationship some are simply looking for casual sex. Not all men are looking for casual sex some want to be in relationship.
Women are equally as responsible as men for shaping romantic expectations to conform to changing societal needs. College students of all genders are less willing to commit to long-term relationships than they used to be. Their immediate post-graduation plans are often fluid and temporary. Some students apply for graduate school, Teach for America or the Peace Corps. Many accept entry-level positions but expect to continue searching for an ideal career fit for several years. Few hope to immediately settle down with a spouse and a mortgage, as was the norm for previous generations.
Though many people view this casual attitude toward relationships as troubling, it may be beneficial in the long run. Much like career aspirations, romantic needs become more complex as successive generations of young people attain higher levels of education. As emotional and intellectual needs overtake practical considerations as the main determinants of successful relationships, the concept of "settling" for "good enough" loses its appeal. In a country with a divorce rate of nearly 50 percent, perhaps the concept of "try before you buy" is not such a bad idea for women or for men.
