As a senior, I feel it's my time to transition from writing opinions to giving advice, and beginning my fourth winter in Hanover surely qualifies me to offer a recommendation or two to my fellow students. I will therefore attempt to dispense three and a half years' worth of hard-earned wisdom below:
-
Stop smiling. I understand that winter is totally your favorite season, and that you love to shred the pow, hit the gnar and make snow angels in pools of frosty bliss. However, when I stumble into class in a freezing storm of teary sadness, do not point out how beautiful the snowfall is, and do not tell me how peaceful it makes you feel. Your cheer only serves to further chill my heart.
-
Buy a fracket (that's frat jacket, in case you're a '14 or a senior who has been off two winters in a row). Winter term is a 10-week ugly sweater party, so find the warmest, zaniest coat possible and wear it proudly everywhere you go. If you're a little bashful, don't worry it's dark 18 hours a day, and most people are too busy trying not to slip on the ice to notice.
-
Slip on the ice. It will happen, probably as you're running late to your 10A (first mistake) in full view of your friends, professors and at least four large tour groups. Like dropping your tray in Homeplate during the panini rush, slipping on the ice is an unofficial graduation requirement. If it hasn't happened yet, you're waking up too early for your classes, and I respect you less.
-
Extend a friendly mitten. We're all being hazed by our environment, and if you accidentally fall asleep outside you will probably die from hypothermia. Like all good forms of collective punishment, winter in Hanover should bring us closer as a campus. When that freshman eats it on the Green, have a heart and help him collect the scattered remnants of his writing seminar paper.
-
Blitz out. Okay, so you've lost your generic black North Face which, for some reason, contains in its pockets your passport, Social Security card, two iPhones and a Civil War-era pocket watch from your grandfather. Conventional wisdom discourages you from blitzing out to campus, but I disagree. Yes, strangers will commit your name to memory in the hopes of one day meeting and publicly embarrassing you, but if you've lost a priceless heirloom of great sentimental value or an expensive gift of substantial utilitarian value, it's a high-risk, high-reward situation. Take the gamble, but do not try and trick me with a misleading subject line. If I end up wasting my time opening a blitz that says "SeX iN St@XXX?!?!" I will go from thinking you're mildly pathetic to thinking you're a liar, a jerk and emotionally manipulative. The same rule applies to Econ 10 groups blitzing out deceptive subject lines to cajole people into taking their surveys.
-
Reflect on your decision to remain in this frigid purgatory for 10 weeks. If you're a '12 or a '13, I admire that you voluntarily chose to be here, unless you had to for a sport then I'm intimidated by your athleticism and dedication. If you're a '14, prepare for a frozen hellscape you can't even begin to imagine. If you're an '11, just try to reminisce in the glory that was 09X. As seniors, we may be irrelevant and jobless, but back when the weather was 100 degrees warmer a mere 18 months ago, our sophomore Summer performance was undeniably flawless. At least we have that to hold on to. And just remember: as awful as this frigid season may be, it still beats 10X.
