Abandoned on the East Coast (WEST COAST WHATUP) all by my lonesome self, I have no choice but to spend my Thanksgiving break on campus crying in Fahey-Mclane. False. T-giving is the time to learn to network, when you must pull all the stops to get invited to a free turkey buffet.
1) Guilt Trip: A classic. Sit in your room and play angsty music. Somberly study in the library. Write a haiku. When anybody asks what you're doing just gaze in their eyes and say: "Oh what's anybody doing these days?" Be vague. If they ask what your T-giving plans are say: "Oh it's complicated, it's just a tough situation." Tug the heartstrings.
2) "My parents don't love me": Someone else's parents will.
3) Passive aggressiveness: Change your DND name to TGIVING10F, send out hilarious YouTube videos with turkeys, make a Thanksgiving countdown, dress up as a Pilgrim, start playing Turkey + Stuffing Pong
4) Self Invitation: Just show up at the car with your suitcase when your "host" parents show up. They don't know that you have no friends on campus. They'll love it and you'll be sitting shotgun down to NYC/Boston/Hamptons in no time. Not awkward at all.
5) Backup plan: Ramen noodles is a totally acceptable Thanksgiving meal.
