The Mayers-Rigged Type Indicator

So, resume drop was last week and like clockwork, hordes of '11s scrambled to get themselves a solid foothold in the alleged "real world," which I hear is different than what MTV has led me to believe. But this job path quiz isn't for them, because they probably do their homework instead of reading The Mirror in Collis (yeah, I see you, hey! I'll make the rounds in a minute). No, this is for those undying and soon-to-be-unemployed optimists out there who still cling to the hope that you can avoid selling out without settling for cardboard curtains. You know you weren't going to take the initiative to figure out your career yourself; have you even filed your major card yet?

1. When you were little, which Ninja Turtle was your favorite?A) MichelangeloB) RaphaelC) LeonardoD) Donatello

2. Which of the following best describes your work habits?A) You like to put things off for a long time, and when you finally do get around to finishing your work, you move very methodically and have trouble skimming or taking shortcuts.B) You do your work in a rush and not as well as you are capable of, but always make sure to go to office hours and be a fairly visible participator in class, so that your profs think highly of you.C) You work hard and pay attention, always doing everything that is assigned, but you struggle with group projects, finding most groups to be "already full, sorry."D) You are a screamual learner, meaning you learn best by screaming, constantly.

3. What is your approach to conflict?A) You prefer to avoid conflict at all costs, but it doesn't stress you out. You usually ignore it and hope it goes away.B) You thrive on conflict and find gossip endlessly intriguing, but that doesn't mean you're a bad person or anything. C) You keep a level head and never initiate conflicts, but you try to deal with them rationally when they come up. You have trouble taking the time to really see another person's perspective, though.D) Chainsaws.

4. Which of these is the finest automobile?A) A Volkswagen van, except for that whole Nazi thing.B) A Lamborghini. It looked cool in Twilight.C) A 1963 Chevy Impala.D) Just one Barbie rollerblade.

5. What kind of industry do you feel you are best suited for?A) Something relatively undemanding and familiar, preferably with free booze.B) Something fast-paced and demanding, preferably with free booze.C) Something with free booze, preferably served out of a trashcan.D) Fur.

6. What is your typical role in a group situation?A) You are always the mediator. You are extremely loyal to your friends, sometimes to the point that you can forget about your own needs.B) You like to be the center of attention and love telling exaggerated stories, especially those riveting and one-of-a-kind anecdotes about that one time you got too drunk.C) You usually take roles of quiet leadership, earning the respect of those around you without being too imposing or demanding.D) Bedwetter. Intentional bedwetter.

7.Which of these phrases best sums up your outlook on life?A) "It is, sir, as I have said, a small college. And yet, there are those who love it."B) "Nobody puts Baby in the corner."C) "I personally believe that some people in this nation of ours don't have maps."D) "Wu-Tang Clan ain't nuthin' ta f*** with."

8.Which of these traits would you say is your most identifiable positive attribute?A) You never let go. In fact, you still have a lock of hair from your first pet gerbil.B) You can make funny voices when called upon in times of emergency.C) You know how to make great Hamburger Helper.D) You know how to kill a man using only a cork.

9.Which of these traits would you say is your most identifiable negative attribute?A) Your room smells like skunk urine, old EBA's, and dirty laundry from the Bush administration (too soon?).B) You don't know the alphabet.C) You sometimes take things too seriously and continue giving real answers to fake quizzes.D) You ate all of your fingers.Mostly A's: "That kid" who never leaves campus. You'll keep showing up for every big weekend on Wednesday a couple of weeks early. But don't worry, you'll find a job working for the President's Office so you can still appear somewhat legit. This is really a plum job to have and you'd be doing Peter Pan proud.

Mostly B's: You should try to make it in reality television. And if that doesn't work out, start a blog. And if your illiteracy gets in the way of that (it's really nice that your friends read The Mirror to you), start a YouTube channel. You'll feel productive just sitting around and making videos all day. If it was good enough for Bieber, it's damn sure good enough for you. Now go turn that Croo stint into real celeb status! Mostly C's: You were born to dramatically re-enact doctors in weight loss infomercials. Now your mom can say you're a doctor and you can say you're an actor. Win-win, except you're still eating cold Ramen.

Mostly D's: You will invent a blanket with sleeves, and be even more of an idiot than the first person who did it. That being said, I'm getting a beekeeper vibe. You should probably just avoid face-to-face contact with other people at all costs.

Confession: I wrote the results after the first question, meaning my entire determination of your career was based on your favorite Ninja Turtle. Oh well. It's probably still at least as reliable as astrology.