It's always scary to wake up after a formal and not remember how it went. It's natural to assume (pray?) that if you don't remember events that occurred the night before they must not count. The truth usually comes out though just because you don't remember what happened the night before, doesn't mean other people (and more importantly, their cameras) won't.
The last formal I attended went swimmingly, at least the parts of it I can remember. Tails were fun. The dinner was kind of grim so I didn't eat it (bad move). My date and I had a good time on the bus making fun of people and when we arrived at the venue we both got neon green bracelets to show that we could legally drink at the cash bar. Neat!
I distinctly remember walking toward the dance floor, but nothing else. Next thing I knew I was waking up at 4 a.m. dress still on and boot next to my bed. My housemate had just gotten home and was screaming, "I don't even remember dancing!"
"Funny," I thought. "Neither do I."
Through conversations with my friends and date, I was able to piece together some of the highlights of that night. I apparently did tequila shots with "that Italian guy" (I usually avoid tequila like the plague; nice to know that blacked-out me is self-destructive), made out with my date next to a highway (HUH?) and spent the last hour of formal puking my guts out in the ladies' bathroom. Cute.
My story is pretty tame compared to some of the other gems I've heard, though. I still have yet to hear a story that can compare to the now-infamous tale of Alex Howe '08 (which he wrote about it in The Mirror).
Similar to my own night, Alex did not remember most of the events of his fated formal or how he became separated from his Dartmouth group. But the convenience store owner whose store he broke into remembers him well. As does the disgruntled homeowner who was rudely awakened by a blood-soaked, red-eyed young man who was knocking on his door while inexplicably clutching a pint of Ben and Jerry's, a bottle of wine and a copy of The Sunday New York Times.
It is usually the venue owners, however, who are most often alarmed by the behavior of Dartmouth students at formal events. Buses full of people show up to the venue trashed, girls pop a squat outside before the venue has been unlocked, bathroom doors are ripped off of their hinges, dates punch holes in office windows, people vomit everywhere and Dartmouth's finest love to have sex "in every nook and cranny they could find," according to an e-mail from one venue owner to a fraternity. And yet these are all pretty standard occurrences at a typical Dartmouth formal. While this sort of behavior doesn't faze most students, it can be quite shocking to a middle-aged inn owner.
Nevertheless, some actions that horrify owners are noteworthy even by Dartmouth standards. One notorious couple broke into a venue owner's house and started having sex on the living room couch only to be discovered by the owner and his family. Awkward, right?
Some of the best stories happen before guests even arrive at the venue. The bus ride is just as integral to the quintessential Dartmouth formal experience as the dance floor many houses will pay bus drivers to drive around in circles if the venue is close to campus. Double bus seats provide the perfect place to get to know a date better, and for some couples biblically.
Given that most or all drinking must take place before the formal event, and that formal-goers rarely eat full meals before they start drinking, the twists and turns of the bus ride sometimes churn up bodily fluids. One girl witnessed someone vomit on herself while sitting in her seat, but the other girl was drunk enough not to be fazed. The worsr fears of the first girl's (who was conveniently a clean-freak) were realized when the boot-covered drunkard bumped into her while getting off the bus.
"I was like, Oh Goddddd' because I'm naturally slightly OCD and that whole situation really bugged me," she said.
She immediately ran into the bathroom to clean herself off and share her traumatic story with her little. Unfortunately, the sick girl was in a bathroom stall at the time. She shared a piece of her mind when she came out, much to the vomiter's annoyance.
"Because how DARE I talk about it when a girl boots all over herself and then touches me, right?" she said. "Nasty."
Even non-drinkers can have serious mishaps at formals. One '12 girl had an unexpected allergic reaction to her boyfriend's suit when she attended his formal her freshman year. She was already feeling awkward beforehand because she didn't know anyone at the event, so when she broke out in hives, her mood plummeted.
"I literally broke out into a terrible, hivey rash that was all over my face/neck/arms," she said. "The worst part was that I couldn't even laugh it off because I had no friends there. I ended up crying the entire bus ride home. Oh, and we missed the first bus so I had to wait for the second one."
Many people expect that they will have some sort of romantic interaction at formal, and differing expectations between dates can cause some confusion. In 2007, a male student waited until he and his date were getting onto the bus to inform her that he had a girlfriend and that he expected the night to be platonic. His date was not pleased. She was quoted in the overheards that week saying, "This is NOT a platonic dress. If I knew you had a girlfriend I would have worn another dress!"
One strangely recurring theme in formal stories is the difficulty for some guys to keep their pants on. Another girl told me how she spent a good chunk of her formal over sophomore Summer looking for a pair of pants after her friend's boyfriend misplaced them in the woods near the DOC cabin.
Of course, female students have wardrobe malfunctions, too. Another '12 girl headed off to formal after imbibing (dropping?) a certain potent liquid. She remembers nothing from that night but learned later that she had been kicked out of the venue when she was found toddling around the ladies' bathroom with her dress around her waist.
Some incidents of public nudity are unavoidable at formals. At a formal held during the Class of 2010's sophomore Summer, a couple started hooking up in an old barn when they realized that the buses were leaving. They were totally justified in leaving their clothes behind to sprint after said buses. Fortunately, all ended well for the lusty couple.
"The last bus (miraculously!) noticed us and stopped," the '10 girl said. "We climbed on breathless and half-dressed, with the whole bus cheering us on."
Sometimes formals can be just plain disorienting. Students might "black in" and realize that they are nowhere near the venue. One guy told me how he once woke up in the middle of the woods during a formal and forgot how he got there. He managed to make it back to civilization unharmed.
As you all get geared up for the Spring round of formals, it's important to keep a couple things in mind. First, don't drink too much on an empty stomach unless you are prepared to be the subject of a notorious formal story that you don't remember. Second, if you are uncomfortable around mass nudity and/or bodily fluids you might want to stay home and watch reruns instead.
