I'm about to give my last few tours of this campus which means that there are precious few opportunities for someone to fulfill my dream and pull off the next Drinking-Time-level prank with my tour group as the unsuspecting audience (June 2nd, 11:15 a.m. in front of McNutt Hall, GIVE ME MY 15 MINUTES OF YOUTUBE FAME, PEOPLE.)
It also means that this is my last chance to give an actual honest version of my spiel at the end of the tour. We are supposed to close by telling our captive audience why we personally chose Dartmouth and why they should apply and increase our gross number of applications and have the chance to go to Dartmouth. My rehearsed version of the It's-A-Really-Engaging-And-Fun-Yet-Intellectual-Environment-Small-Classes-Personal-Professor-Interaction-DOC-Trips-YAY statement takes about 90 seconds because at this point in the tour everyone is way more interested in finding lunch/coffee/their sanity and has OD'd on shiny enthusiastic PR Statements. There have been times, however, when I have been so tempted to make them stand and listen to the unsanitized version, because what I have to tell them is important.
Why did I come to Dartmouth? Honestly, I don't know. I almost accidentally went to Brown. (LESSON: Do not go to a science fair instead of Dimensions.) Fortunately, after losing out to some girl with a stupid transgenic mouse project, I came here to visit again, with my mother awkwardly in tow, and we wandered into Collis (I have a homing beacon for Starbucks coffee). There I met Steve. (He's the assistant manager with the beard, you know him.) Now I don't know if he knows who I am now (Hi Steve! Slightly crazy girl that drinks all the coffee here!) but at the time, he saw that we were the standard discombobulated prospie-and-parent combo and he made small talk. He confirmed I was an admitted student and asked if I wanted to go here. When I said I wasn't sure, he said "Well, I do hope you pick Dartmouth. All the students here just love it. They really do." And at the time I was so impressed that Dartmouth really was that great that students were so happy that a nice friendly staff member would pick up on it and be compelled to share it with a random awkward teenager. This obviously isn't the sole reason I decided to come here, but four years later it's what stands out in my memory from that visit. Thank you, Steve.I don't say this on my tour (although I do subtly steer them to get lunch at Collis) and I also don't say the next part, where I want to scream OBVIOUSLY YOU SHOULD WANT TO GO TO DARTMOUTH. It is so f*cking awesome to the point that my use of a gratuitous obscenity is completely justified. I would change my name, move to an obscure tropical island and reapply so that I could do it all over again.
Why? Because Dartmouth is crazy. I could be projecting, but so many people and realities and situations here are totally nuts and it's ok. Work hard, party hard, pull an all-nighter, take your exam and then ride the black out train, whatever you want to do it's all just fine. This is a culture of putting all of your energy into whatever you're doing, whether it's studying for orgo and hating your life or playing an intense pong game while you are wearing a leopard print unitard.
This is where you will meet the most important people of your life. They are the lunatics in your sorority climbing on the back porch at 3 a.m. in the middle of doing their philosophy reading screaming the words to Like a Prayer. Or they are equally insane professors who have crazy legit degrees and are so terrifyingly smart that you can actually feel their intelligence like, radiating off of them, except they want to talk to you! Because they are real people who are happy to discuss political theory or American Idol results, or both. Because the smooth "intellectual experience" package that I am trying to sell you in my tour is actually real.
I don't know if I can tell you what is unique about Dartmouth because other people at other schools might be able to say this too, but they're wrong. When you strand a group of slightly awkward highly talented young adults in the godforsaken wilderness of New Hampshire, what you get is a place that is crazy, but also amazing. This is a College on a freaking hill, people, and I really wanted to get out of this without quoting Daniel Webster, but goddamn it there are those who love it.This would scare the nervous little prospies but it's all true, and you know it, because you're already here. You already made such a good decision. What I have to say for you now is that you should embrace it. Study. Your classes are awesome, you know that deep down but you won't admit it. And when you're done, rage, in the way that makes you happy, because you can. This is a bubble and it's not real life and this is a moment that you have.
And finally, if you're ever in doubt, head my words: drink another cup of coffee. It's life. Dartmouth is life. Keep living.
