With a campus as small as ours, it's impossible not to run into someone you know every time you step out the door. As if that weren't bad enough, like a recurring nightmare, there's something about the Dartmouth rhythm that makes you run into the same people everyday and it usually winds up being the ONE person on campus you least want to see.
Question is, do you ever have to conquer your embarrassment in order to stop for a chat in the panini line after 10As or pretend to be frantically searching for something really, really important in your bag at the exact moment you cross paths outside Baker-Berry? (Embarrassingly enough, I'm guilty of the latter on an almost-daily basis. But that's besides the point.)
Maybe it's the layout of the footpaths crossing the Green, the gravitational pull of Collis post-11s, karma getting back at you for inappropriately hooking up with your trippee last night or some combination of all three. Whatever the reason, one thing's for sure you're going to have to say hello.
Whether you've just run into the boy you've had a crush on for a term or the professor whose class you skipped that morning (oops) there's a whole range of ways to say (or avoid saying), "hey."
The Head Nod
If you're pressed for time and you can't stop to chat, The Head Nod usually suffices.
Whether you've run into your best friend or the kid who sits next to you in your English class, this is usually a safe bet, especially if you've realized you don't actually have anything to say but are willing to acknowledge each others' existence.
The Wave
More physically demanding than The Head Nod, waving hello is typically appropriate if you're too far away from the person to say hi without shouting at them. This is also useful if you're busy doing something else at the moment but you still want to say hi, for example, if you're mid-conversation with a friend or working in the library with your headphones on.
Greetings-in-passing
If you're walking in the opposite direction as someone, nothing shows how much you care like saying "Hi, how are you?" Then they say, "Good, how are you?" And soon, you're 10 feet away from each other going your separate ways and you've said hello without even breaking your stride. Chances are, it's a friend of a friend you've had a few conversations so it'd be rude not to say hi, but you don't know (or can't remember) enough about them to risk stopping to have a conversation. Although if it looks like you're both heading in the same direction, you might want to "suddenly remember" you need to go talk to a professor during office hours.
Checking Your Text Messages
At some point or another, we've all been guilty of this. From a distance, you see someone vaguely familiar walking towards you on the path between the library and the Green. By the time you realize it's the person you've been desperately trying to avoid all day, you're the only two people left on the sidewalk and it's too late to turn around in a panic, you pull out your Blackberry/iPhone/whatever and pretend to be really engrossed in reading your text messages and pray that they want to avoid eye contact as much as you do. Pretending to be frantically searching for a lost pen or book in your bag also works. Whatever allows you to avert your eyes (or hide your face). And if you time your diversion correctly, you just might be able to get away without saying hello. Crisis averted!
If you're lucky enough to spot Undesirable #1 while still far enough away, there's always the option of hide-and-seek. Running in the opposite direction as fast as you can usually works, or you can duck behind a tree. It's a cowardly move, but hey desperate times call for desperate measures.
Feigning Ignorance
Weirdly enough, there seems to be an expiration date on relationships at Dartmouth. The classic example: you say hi to the people on your DOC Trip all through freshmen year. You hang out the first few days of orientation, text each other when you're going out maybe you even organize a poorly-attended Trippee reunion in the Fall. You still stop to chat about classes when you see them around campus, but soon it's summer, then they're off in the Fall and you're off in the Winter. Suddenly by the time sophomore Spring rolls around it's been a year since you've both been on campus and it's like you've never met before. For some reason, you're no longer obligated to acknowledge them at the gym anymore. I still don't understand it, but apparently it works.
Real Conversations Do Exist
In this digital age, it's nice to have a real conversation for once. Sure, it's easier to poke someone on Facebook than it is to greet them in Dirt Cowboy, but greeting someone in person also counts for a lot more. And of course, saying hi is always better than not saying hi. Pretending like you don't know me is kind of rude, and frankly, it hurts my feelings. So in the spirit of etiquette, let's do a better job of greeting each other I'll start. Hi.
