When I found out that The Mirror's theme for the week was graduate school, I was not entirely able to restrain myself from performing my natural response to any word, phrase, or conversation that might involve the idea of graduation. I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to The Mirror's editor for interrupting last Sunday's meeting with a rousing chorus of LA LA LA I CAN'T HEEEEAAAAR YOU.
As someone who is trying extremely hard to avoid actually participating in the real world and having to be A Real Live Grown-up, I have of course considered going to graduate school. Although I don't actually know any grad students (I don't think being friends with the Sun God on Facebook counts) from what I understand, grad school is sort of exactly like undergrad, except you have approximately 7,000 times the work and no life. That sounds kind of doable, except I might need to spend a few months sleeping in preparation for the inevitable all-nighters and Lady Gaga will have to release a bunch of new albums because I can only listen to The Fame Monster on repeat for so many thousands of times. (If you haven't pirated Dance in the Dark yet, get on it, you're missing out.)
However, what sort of concerns me about being a grad student is that I NEVER SEE ANY OF THEM. I don't take classes with TAs so maybe that explains it, but I consider myself pretty well-acquainted, at least on sight, with the usual denizens of Novack and the 1902 room. (For those of you 24-hour studiers who might also know me on sight, I'm the blonde girl in the Sigma Delt sweatshirt who occasionally mouths the lyrics of the song she is listening to.) These people are OVERWHELINGLY undergrads. I have concluded that grad students either do all of their work during waking hours (unlikely) or that they have offices and apartments in which they are writing their million-page papers. This is amazingly depressing. As we discussed last week I take a perverse pleasure in pulling all-nighters, part of which comes from the miserable camaraderie of being in the library forever. Being completely alone and awake at 4 a.m. is miserable (also you're missing out on the bizarre live cultural experiment that is the 1902 room.)
If I'm not a grad student, (NOTE TO MY PARENTS/LAW SCHOOL APPLICATION COMMITTEES: I'M STILL GOING TO LAW SCHOOL, THIS IS ALL A JOKE, YOU SHOULD STOP READING NOW) I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to do with my life. I've been coming up with some potential careers that don't actually involve growing up. In my research I discovered possibly The Two Greatest Things Ever, one of which is that Disney now EMPLOYS PEOPLE to be Disney Princesses. You get to wear a princess dress instead of an oversized slightly creepy fur suit and you spend your day in parades or talking to wide-eyed three-year-olds who think that you are actually a Sleeping Beauty and thereby the most legit person on the planet. I feel like this would be pretty good for one's self esteem.
The second thing is that somewhere, STARBUCKS PAYS PEOPLE TO TEST ITS COFFEE. I imagine that this is a rather competitive position, but I'm fully prepared to impress upon them the full breadth of my experience. If you meet me in person it usually becomes apparent that I've had way way way too much caffeine so I'm planning to fly to Seattle sometime next week. FREE COFFEE FOR LIIIIIIFE. HIRE ME.
