Tuck:
How to spot one: Very easy to pick out of the crowd even though they'd like to think not. They rival 5th year Engineering students in their propensity to show up at frat parties. It's rumored that they even have tails with a few sororities. But their exposure to the Dartmouth social scene doesn't mean they can quite blend in. They find it hard to leave the New York scene behind (who thought to put a Top Ten business school all the way up here anyway?) so they're always dressed up when they go out. They're that group of the guys in the corner wearing slacks and boat shoes, grimacing with each sip of Keystone. The giveaway is usually the engagement ring. Or the "Oh yeah when I was at McKinsey" (pause) "INTERNING when I was INTERNING at McKinsey" Right.
How to get one: 8 a.m. in Byrne Dining Hall. (You'll have to put it on DA$H, but the payoff could be worth it.) Smile, embrace the fact that you're an undergraduate (remember, they're always looking for an in to frat parties) and complain that this is the only place on campus where the Wall Street Journal is available in print. Make a reference to the second to last entry in "What's News" and then guide the conversation back to a topic you're more comfortable with.
Alternatively, Thirsty Thursdays at Canoe Club.
Medical School:
How to spot one: During their first two years, at the coffee machine outside Kellogg, or randomly appearing during Brain TonIQ's sample day in Novack. (No amount of science education can stop you from hoping that it's true, it WILL make you smarter, it WILL make me smarter.) They also take over the tables at every obscure study spot in town with intimidating books and even more intimidating motivation.
After these two years, they're easy to spot because they have their white jacket (note: in this case, length does reflect skill).
How to get one: Easy schmeezy, haven't you ever seen Grey's? The entrance to the break room at DHMC is right opposite the entrance to the Maternity Ward. (Coincidence?) Sneak in and wait for your McDreamy.
Alternatively, an Emergency Room visit here or there never hurt anyone. Did you just black-in in the ER? Run with the opportunity. Shamelessly flirt with the poor med student assigned to watch after you. You can always fall back on the drunk excuse, but tonight just might be the night that he throws HIPPA out the window and succumbs to desire
Thayer:
How to spot one: Your ENGS 3 TA, pictured on the Dartmouth home page, or that '09 who's still around AND was never Parked.
They're especially easy to spot if you ever make it down the Thayer. So if you're on your way to XX in Channing Cox or making an especially shameful walk of shame back from French, you can cut through Thayer and see that they do exist. They're the ones on display, working diligently behind the glass windows. Yes, even when you're passing by at 11 p.m. Friday night or walking back at 8 a.m. on Saturday morning. They're there. (Don't ask me how I know for sure. Just don't.)
How to get one: For this, I'm forced to defer to my sophomore year roommate. From what I observed, it looks like you have to take every intro level course there is: Math 1, Chem 3, CS 4 and then you have to do strategically poorly: bad enough that it's necessary to have one-on-ones with the TA, but well enough that you're not forced to drop out. At this point, you're meeting so often that you need his cell number to arrange meetings. And well we all know how it goes from there.
Bio/Chem/BioChem/CS/Physics/Math/MALS/CompLit. PhD Program:
How to spot one: Easy to spot because they really truly honestly like their work. These people want to be professors. You can only find them in their labs or in their office. Will not be seen on display or any other place around campus.
How to get one: Presidential Scholar. Women in Science Program. Just work for a professor and not get paid (note: this puts you on the path to become one of these PhD students yourself). Once you've bridged that gap and have actually met your professor's assistants, you're in. Advice from somebody more experienced than I: "It's definitely really easy to start those relationships because they, like, don't know anyone else."
The Dartmouth Institute For Health Policy and Clinical Practice:
How to spot one: The person sitting next to you, behind you, and in the aisle at the lecture on AIDS Prevention/Overcoming MDR-TB/The Dartmouth Atlas/President Kim that you're required to attend for class. They're the only ones not forced to be there, and the only ones taking notes.
How to get one: Codeword: "Haiti"
