Oh sure, DayQuil seems innocuous at first, with its soothing promises of "multi-symptom relief" and its cheerful orange packaging. But make no mistake, those little pills will mess you up good. According to my exhaustively researched anecdotal evidence, it is entirely possible that while you are high on DayQuil, you may make some poor decisions.
For example, you may, oh, get the mistaken impression that the injuries you sustained during sorority jello-wrestling are an appropriate topic of conversation for the weekly parental phone call. This is not actually OK. (Mom, if you're reading this, the bruise on my knee is healing nicely.)
This significant risk of word vomit while under the influence of happy, happy cold medicine is but one factor you must consider when answering the all-important question: am I sick enough to justify skipping class? We all know that classes cost roughly $82,000 dollars an hour, and that if you bail you are missing out on your Dartmouth Experience, but let's consider the finer points of the situation.
NOTE: The following assumes that you have an amazingly congested nose and associated sneezing/sniffling, a hacking cough or some equally annoying combination thereof, but have not achieved the magic 100-degree-plus fever that marks you as "Officially Quarantine-able." (When I am done not graduating I will start a nationwide advocacy group for People Who Are Really Actually Sick But Are Thermodynamically Challenged.)
If you skip class due to your non-feverish yet debilitating disease(s), you will have the opportunity to sleep. I hear this is a worthwhile activity, and that it might even boost your immune system and help you get better!
Also, you will avoid infecting your classmates and professor, which is polite. Plus, if you're resting, you will also not drive your class crazy by being That Guy who makes the sucking-snot-back-up-his-nose noise 1842 times in 65 minutes. With all of these lovely considerations, you should definitely skip out, right?
Wrong. Sure, you'll be rested and your compatriots will be disease-free, but this is of no use to you when you've missed a lecture or more. As a Dartmouth term is roughly 13 seconds long, you'll be hopelessly behind. You'll be in the 1902 Room for weeks, where you will inevitably pick up another illness, and run the risk of sinking into deep Novack-food related depression. Suck it up, keep your mouth shut to avoid saying something medication-influenced, and get your butt to Dartmouth Hall. If you play your cards right and time your coughs correctly, you might win a teeny bit of sympathy from your professor.
EXCEPTION: If your class is podcasted, get your coughing, snuffling self the hell out of there! The mics on those cameras are way too sensitive and they're going to be overwhelmed with the sounds of your upper respiratory problems, which means that your equally sick classmates who thoughtfully stayed home are going to be out of luck when they try to watch the podcast. That is just rude. Drink your Robitussin and go home!
