Hogwarts + Disney World = Dartmouth.
In a world where smiles abound, students are (often literally) colorful and shiny, and Justice vs. Simian's "We Are Your Friends" is the theme song, it can be easy to forget that this famed equation requires a crucial addendum: Only for some.
I don't want to burst your Dartmouth bubble -- by all means, keep living it up -- but we have to recognize that while the vast majority are happy in Hanover, plenty are not.
Of course, we all have our moments: when a brutal winter day freezes your spirits, when class is painfully dull, when Dartmouth social life seems redundant and narrow, when your best friends' D-plans are the opposite of your own or when you just can't stand the thought of waiting half an hour in line for a Billy Bob.
Not everyone's unhappiness, however, is as fleeting. What about the 2.5 percent of students who don't come back to Dartmouth after their freshman year? What about the unknown percent of students who wish they hadn't returned? They may not outnumber those who are happy here, but when are their stories told?
The One Who Did Not Like Dartmouth and Transferred
His reasons for leaving were numerous: as a guitarist, he was unsatisfied with Dartmouth's music scene; finding people with whom he could travel away from campus was surprisingly difficult; he quickly lost interest in the Greek system; there just wasn't enough variety in his life.
"I started thinking about transferring in phases," recounted this former member of the Class of 2011. "I became disillusioned and unhappy with my experiences at Dartmouth within probably a month or two."
The student, who now attends the University of Pennsylvania and wished to remain anonymous due to the sensitive nature of the topic, said his transfer to Penn after freshman year was "definitely worth it."
"At Dartmouth, I became a bit more introverted than I actually am. I decided to find refuge in books and classes and professors, which for me were the best part of Dartmouth. But I think when I closed myself off to the Greek scene, I closed myself off entirely," he said.
While Penn does have a Greek presence, he said, there is also an alternative social scene at the university that is lacking at Dartmouth, he said.
"At Penn, at least there's a kind of counterculture of people who are really more driven to go and do other things in the city. Maybe 'counterculture' is the wrong word, but there's a niche, or group of people who were as disillusioned as I was."
The dearth of musical opportunities at the College, this student said, was also a major source of his unhappiness.
"Dartmouth has a culture that is not necessarily unmusical, but dominated by a cappella groups and dance groups. That's cool. That's true of a lot of schools. But I think being in a bigger, urban environment definitely helps me find more opportunities. As a musician, Dartmouth was a very difficult place to be sometimes."
At Penn, the student said he now plays in three different groups and enjoys "every minute of it."
He said he also felt disillusioned by Dartmouth traditions, many of which he found were "kind of shallow after a while," and by Dartmouth students' contentedness with the status quo.
"There's a very strong part of Penn that is very 'we love Penn,' but there's also a very critical part of Penn that keeps it changing, which I like," he said. "Having people criticizing the administration, talking about how it could get better, really getting involved, is something that I really like, and is different, in my opinion, than 'bleeding green.'"
Although this student said he believes this culture of criticism exists at Dartmouth, he does not believe it is "as widely spread or as powerful."
He said he hopes students will admit that Dartmouth is not perfect and could benefit from change, and, on a more personal level, allow themselves to feel imperfect at Dartmouth.
"When you're at Dartmouth and you're unhappy, a lot of people can sometimes feel there's something wrong with them," he said. "Because of that, I think being kind to yourself taking some time, getting a nice sandwich and sitting in the grass to have 'you' time that's really important. When someone isn't happy, they sometimes see it as something they need to fix, rather than just being a human being and being unhappy."
The One Who Does Not Like Dartmouth but Stayed
"This is not at all what I thought my college experience was going to be like. Not even close," Anise Vance '11 told me, shaking his head.
Vance, who grew up in Cairo, Egypt, said that while factors like Hanover's distance from a city and less than ideal weather may seem trivial to some, they have greatly dampened his experience here literally and figuratively.
Vance recalled that he couldn't go through a day as a freshman without having one or two conversations about everything that he was unhappy with at Dartmouth he felt disheartened by the Greek scene, was disappointed by the racial dynamics on campus and couldn't connect with enough people who were interested in having meaningful conversations.
To top it all off, he felt isolated living in the River cluster.
Why didn't he send the transfer papers he filled out during the spring of his freshman year?
"In all honesty, it was because the sun came out," Vance said.
Two years later, not much has changed about Vance's perception of the College he is quick to spell out Dartmouth's flaws.
"We find a lot of ways to not connect," he said of Dartmouth students.
His favorite case in point? Pong.
"If you ever actually watch people play pong, there's not much talking going on," Vance said. "It's a way to be around people, say you were around people, without actually having to invest in people."
The social scene on campus has never been his "vibe," Vance said, citing what he believes to be backwards, unhealthy norms regarding alcohol, relationships, and so on that are propagated by the College's culture.
Vance, who is black, said he is also disillusioned by campus race dynamics. A lot of minority students, he said, feel the racial dynamic as soon as they step on campus and especially when they step into a fraternity basement.
"It's when you walk into a space or into a group and know by how people are behaving, by just the little tiny cues, that you're not part of it, and that there isn't access for you to easily be part of it," he said. "You have fraternity or sorority 'X' being mostly white, and the excuse for that is, 'We're just trying to find people we get along with, this is who comes to us.' And as true as that might be, it doesn't mean those things aren't derived from some initial racial differences."
Throughout his time at the College, Vance said, he has always felt "really, really frustrated and personally unhappy" with many aspects of Dartmouth.
"It was also just from an ideological level, mostly in the duality of what the institution was supposed to be, and was, at certain times even at certain times of the day and then at other times, it felt like living in a very hypocritical, flimsy world," he said.
Vance said he doesn't expect his opinions to change anytime soon.
"Once you're halfway through, for a lot of people, it becomes this thing where like, 'Oh my god, we have so little time left, we have to treasure this time,'" he said. "For me it was, 'Oh, nice, I'm halfway there.'"
The Two Who Were Fine with Dartmouth but Transferred
Sean Johnson, a former member of the Class of 2010, and Ryan Lee, a former member of the Class of 2012, share similar stories. Both played Dartmouth football but quit the team within a year. Both generally enjoyed Dartmouth. Both transferred after their freshman year.
In high school, Johnson knew he either wanted to play college football or attend Duke University. After coming to Dartmouth as a member of the Big Green football team, Johnson suffered a sports injury that wouldn't heal. In what he called a "rough decision," he quit the team in February of his freshman year.
"I was definitely down, Johnson said. "It was pretty difficult for me to walk around campus and see all the football guys and feel like that should have been me, I should have been one of them."
Johnson soon considered transferring.
"Now that I wasn't playing a sport, if I was just going to be a normal student, I just wanted to be at Duke," Johnson said. "I knew I would be happier [at Duke] because my sister went there and I knew [Duke] really well."
Johnson didn't have any major issues with the College -- he liked the Greek system, enjoyed the people and wasn't too discouraged by the weather.
"If I did have one problem with Dartmouth," he said, "it was that all of us were pretty agitated about living in the River. My friends would have awesome dorms, and I was far away, and it's cold. And so the problem was, How the heck are we all paying the same room and board?'"
Citing Dartmouth's strong sense of support and community, Johnson said he thinks Dartmouth might be a better place to be unhappy than a bigger school.
"If it was a different situation than mine, if someone had other issues, I actually think Dartmouth would have been perfect for helping that person out and getting them to stay," he said. "I think the culture is actually great for being happy, just because everyone's so close."
Lee, on the other hand, said seeing other students "so in love with the school" made him realize it wasn't the place for him.
"I would definitely say that when people like Dartmouth, they love Dartmouth," he said. "I'm not an unemotional person, it's not like I hate everything completely. So, looking into myself, I said, Well I'm so unhappy here, maybe this isn't the right place.'"
Lee quit the football team after deciding to transfer.
"Dartmouth didn't feel like the place I wanted to be," he said. "I had visited other schools, and Dartmouth wasn't how I pictured it, wasn't what I thought college would be."
Now at Vanderbilt University, which has a more familiar, southern culture, Lee said he feels far more connected.
Still, like Johnson, Lee said he holds no grudge against Dartmouth.
"I miss the football team and the student body, definitely," Lee said. "I did have a lot of fun, I had a lot of good friends. I don't regret my time at Dartmouth at all, it was a great life experience. But from the beginning, it never really felt like a good fit."
The One Who Cried a lot but Stayed
"Everyone else is really happy, all the time," said a member of the Class of 2007. "Everyone at Dartmouth is really happy all the time except for everyone who will tell you that they're unhappy. But on the surface, everyone's having a great time. So when you are not having a great time, it's an especially alienating feeling."
Because she is very close to her family and anticipated being very homesick, this '07, who wished to remain anonymous due to the sensitive nature of the topic, was extremely anxious about starting college. Her anxiety did not subside once she got to Hanover.
"I spent a lot of my freshman year homesick and crying a lot," she said.
She considered transferring during freshman fall, but the thought was fleeting.
Now, five years later, this student said she recognizes that her relentless tears were caused by homesickness rather than a particular dislike for Dartmouth.
That experience gives her the unique perspective of someone who did not "drink the Dartmouth Kool-aid," she said. "I really did have a good time, but I think I had a very different good time than most people," she said.
This student said she rarely "did the frat scene," was severely disappointed by sophomore summer and "hardly ever stayed on campus for big weekends."
When asked whether she missed big weekends coincidentally or on purpose, she laughed.
"On purpose, of course. I thought the Dartmouth traditions were awesome, but they were too often like, 'Oh, let's have these really big moments steeped in such tradition that we're going to make sure we're too numb to experience because we're all drunk,'" she said.
Knowing she could offer a unique perspective on the College, she applied to be a tour guide, and later a UGA.
"It was an interesting dichotomy of, I'm okay here, I'm not thrilled, but let me tell you how awesome it is," she said about being a tour guide. "If they asked me a question, I told them the answer. I didn't sugarcoat it. Because I felt the way about the culture of Dartmouth that I did, I felt more of a responsibility to be honest than anyone else might have."
She said that if a student is unhappy at Dartmouth whether or not that unhappiness is related to Dartmouth he should try to find a person he can talk to openly.
"Be honest with yourself, and be honest with others don't feel stuck with a group of people who love Dartmouth if you don't. Don't think you're the only one, because you're not. And you know what? If it's something where you might be depressed or it might be anxiety or something more serious, go to Dick's House. I went because of homesickness. You have someone to talk to. Find someone to talk to. It might be your UGA."
