In this post-Green Key America, I feel as if I literally have nothing positive or worthwhile to bring to society. I'm always sleepy, I don't know where any of my left shoes are and, for the past two hours, I've been trying to charge my Dell with this Mac charger I found on the Green. So I'm sitting alone, avoiding one-on-one interactions at all costs, trying to think of something to write about in reference to "Alternative Social Spaces," which I must say is the silliest theme for the Mirror since "Frats: Are They Too Classy?" (April 2007).
Now, not to undermine every Student Assembly administration in this post-Roah Niner society, but I truly believe that conversations about Dartmouth needing more "alternative social spaces" are ignorant and a waste of time.
In my mind, alternative social spaces should be unusual and they should absolutely be a significantly different lifestyle choice. The sad thing about these spaces is that the majority of the student body fails to recognize the one truly alternative social space powerful enough to solve all of the problems that plague this campus, from gender relations to racism to the mascot to cannibalism to laptop theft to teacher retention to Anthropology.
What is this one place, you ask?
It's the type of place that is so beautiful, so revolutionary and so appealing to such a wide variety of people that you become furious that it took so long for it to enter your life. No, not The Remix. And no, not a Browne family Festivus. If you don't know what I'm talking about after ruling out those two options, let me wax poetic for a bit about this place, the one true alternative social space at Dartmouth: The Heat Vent.
The same feeling that comes over me when I think about kittens playing in an Amazon of yarn comes over me when I think about The Heat Vent. Those feelings you ask? Hope, belief in a better tomorrow, and the idea that this could one day be a nation where, as Dr. King said, children will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.
The Heat Vent, also known as the heat vent located next to Bartlett Hall and across from the New Hampshire residence hall, has two main functions. The most obvious, least important function of The Heat Vent is to be the place where steam can escape from the underground tunnels that connect Alpha Delta fraternity to Parkhurst, Parkhurst to Gusanoz, Gusanoz to Amarna and Amarna back to AD.
The Vent's lesser known, more underground purpose is to serve as a meeting place for a random splattering of community members to discuss the issues of the day, from the serious to the utterly juvenile. It may truly be the one place on campus where the more different you are, the more accepted you are.
I'll never forget my first walk up Wheelock Street late one night, contently making the trip home alone at two in the morning. I had almost made it to the Hop, but suddenly I saw a collection of people huddled around something that I was unfamiliar with, laughing and smiling. Everyone was introducing themselves to each other, and seemed to be having the time of their lives.
As I got closer, I saw someone gesture my way and say, "Yo, come to The Heat Vent ... It's warmer than where you are."
Being a sucker for some old-fashioned peer pressure, I walked over, and my Dartmouth experience has never been the same. It was not only warmer because of the hot, bubonic plague air that blows out, but also warmer because of the beautiful friendships that were cultivated that night.
As I walked home three days later, I considered depledging my fraternity, quitting all of my activities and dedicating all of my non-academic time to making this space more known to the entire Dartmouth community. Now, I know that there are those of you who, for one reason or another, attack the very existence of The Heat Vent like Caesar in the Senate House. To you, I extend the olive branch and say, lighten up a little, get a little weird and just give it a try. Sure, the other more B-side alternative social spaces have gimmicks in the form of beer, DJs, iPod Shuffles and boats, but trust me when I say The Heat Vent needs no gimmicks, and speaks for itself.
So that's about it. I love The Heat Vent, and you should (and hopefully will) too one day. It's the place I spent my entire senior Winter Carnival, probably the place where I will wed my second wife, and it is truly Dartmouth's finest example of a pure alternative social space.
