So, let's talk about gays at Dartmouth for a second. I have to admit, the gay community here proved to be a little different from the fantastical "college gay life" that I imagined before I arrived. First of all, during my college search I did an overnight visit at Wesleyan University, where it seems like everyone you see is queer. Like every girl is holding hands with some other girl, and they're strutting around in their chic short hair or butch cargo pants or whatever. I'd actually never seen so many gays in one place, and I was just like, "Whoa." So maybe my idea coming to Dartmouth was a little skewed.
Cut to my freshman fall at Dartmouth, where I would often scan the crowds for stereotypical hints of gays, like little rainbow patches and that sort of thing. As a newcomer to the College, it was really hard for me to pick out gay people here. My freshman year was a big transition for a bunch of reasons, but one thing that bogged me down was the overwhelming heterosexual energy around me, and what I felt was a lacking gay community at this school.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say that 99 percent of GLBT people have been closeted at some point in their life. I think we can all agree that being in the closet is awful, because you feel like you're lying to yourself and to others. However, I am lucky enough to have supportive family and friends, which has helped tremendously.
I actually gave my senior speech in high school about being gay, which turned out to be a super convenient and efficient way to come out because it hit everyone in one fell swoop. Big time saver. Anyway, by the time I entered college, I was coming from an environment where people just knew about me. During my freshman year, I told myself I was "out," but in reality, most people at Dartmouth didn't know because I never brought it up. My idea was, "Well, if someone asks me, then I'll tell them, but I'm not going to go out of my way to mention it." But let's be honest, how often does someone ask you directly? The "Yo, Leah -- are you gay?" conversation just didn't end up happening.
However, I did tell a couple people directly in the beginning, I went to the Gay-Straight Alliance meetings a bit, but then I got a little lazy. I thought I totally gave off a "gay vibe," and people would just figure it out.
A lot of people did, but some people didn't (or they guessed, but didn't want to assume), which was frustrating. I can remember two key moments when I was really infuriated with myself for not coming out. Both times it was on the tip of my tongue but I just didn't say anything. Apart from being mad and calling myself insulting names, My response was, "Why does everyone's gaydar suck so much?!"
Eventually, I realized that others' lacking gaydar wasn't the issue. If I wanted people to know, then waiting around wasn't going to work, and I had to take the initiative to say something. That was a good move. I recommend it. And if you're reading this and you're feeling like you're in the closet, shoot me a blitz sometime and let's have a chat. Seriously.
As I've spent more time here and made connections with different people, I've realized that Dartmouth does have a strong gay community, just not necessarily in stereotypical ways. This school is not packed with flaming queens and really butch lesbians.
There are a lot of people who are public about their sexuality and make it a visible part of their identity, and they come from all areas of campus. There is also a whole community of queer people who keep a pretty low profile, as in they don't make their sexuality a big part of their identity. I think that's their prerogative, and I totally respect that.
PRIDE Week is great because it is a way to unify all these random corners of campus -- queer people and allies too. I wish there were more opportunities to show this kind of campus unity, but once a year is pretty cool, too.
Leah S '11 is a guest columnist for The Mirror.
