Attn: Members of the Class of 2009:
A very timely song was released a month or so ago that will surely stand the test of time in the historic annals of white rappers in America. This song is called "I Love College" by Asher Paul Roth. Over the course of four minutes and 21 seconds, Mr. Roth brilliantly describes to America all of the things he loves to do in college, and why he never wants to leave.
At the end of the song, he looks squarely into the camera and states: "Do I really have to graduate, or can I just stay here for the rest of my life?"
This notion of leaving a place and saying goodbye has always been a difficult one. People throughout history have articulated their own feelings on how to best deal with leaving a place and generally letting go. Roth takes the route of preferring to live in a delusional world where he never grows up and can continue with his antics indefinitely.
Some artists are hopeful for the future: "Don't be dismayed at goodbyes, a farewell is necessary before you can meet again and meeting again, after moments or lifetimes, is certain of those who are friends," Richard Bach, author of Jonathan Livingston Seagull, said.
Others are grateful for the past: "Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened," Dr. Seuss once said.
Some compare it to Doomsday: "This is the end / beautiful friend / This is the end/ my only friend, the end," are the lyrics to The Doors' song, "The End."
Some need to just man up and get over it. (Side note: these are the worst lyrics ever): "Don't, don't let me go, it's not the end, whoa / Girl, you know it's not so bad / It's not the end, whoa, you know it's not the end," read the lyrics from Simple Plan's song, "The End."
And for some, moving on needs to happen, ASAP. (Side note and correction: these are the worst lyrics ever): "C'mon, c'mon, c'mon I said save me! / (Get me the hell out of here!) / Save me! / (Too young to die and my dear) / You can't / (If you can hear me just walk away) / Take me!" are some of the lyrics to "End" by My Chemical Romance.
With regards to the Dartmouth senior, these are all potential ways to handle the reality that will come on June 14. With that said, whatever you do, don't listen to any of these fools. If you choose to follow the advice of any person (or entity), Class of 2009, make sure it's the dude that goes by one name. No, not Sinbad. Nope, not Oprah either. And good guess, but not Furstenberg.
Snoopy. Yes, I said it. Snoopy.
Hopefully everyone on this Earth has some familiarity with the "Peanuts" comic strip (Known as "Charlie Brown" by those of you who consistently linger in amateur hour).
Snoopy, the utmost renaissance dog -- an avid tennis and accordion player, fighter pilot, well-versed in Tolstoy, first dog to fly across the Atlantic and first astronaut on the moon, among other things -- was known for saying some of the wisest, most profound statements in the comic strip.
When it comes to goodbyes, this is what my dog Snoopy had to say on the matter: "Why can't we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together? I guess that wouldn't work. Someone would leave. Someone always leaves. Then we would have to say goodbye. I hate goodbyes. I know what I need. I need more hellos."
Holy Moly. Fictional dogs who communicate by way of thought bubbles > My Chemical Romance + Simple Plan.
Snoopy is exactly right. Seniors, there is no way of avoiding the fact that our days here our numbered. The countdown has begun and it's moving at a feverish pace. We have to leave here at some point, and believe it or not, it's better that way. But for these last days, don't waste time with goodbyes and sad faces. Listen to Snoopy and have the time of your lives.
No lie, if someone even thinks about being sad this spring, I will make sure of it that your leg gets Nancy Kerrigan-ed by a shadowy figure that may or may not work in the Office of Residential Life.
It will be a swift blow, it will be above the knee so you will walk again and "Tonya" will not leave until you recite Snoopy's verse verbatim, from memory.
Not to make this article come full circle or anything, "30 Rock" style, but one other line from Roth's juvenile masterpiece fully sums up the way one should spend his or her last 10 weeks in college: "I can't tell you what I learned from school but / I could tell you a story or two."
Don't get me wrong, the classroom is where the brain is cultivated or something like that, but there is nothing in life that beats spending time with your people and making stories and memories of your own.
Yes, I know that 160-page thesis is always in the back of your mind, so make sure you work with the people you love and take a break every now and then to do something extremely irresponsible. And then 30 minutes later, go back to work. And repeat until there is no work to be done.
Use this spring to catch up with those friends you've been too busy to catch up with the past few terms. And make sure you aren't forgetting about those people in your life that are such constants, you might take their presence for granted every now and then. These are the 10 weeks you should remember in five, 10, 20, 50 years.
Get excited. I hope this feels like the longest 10 weeks of your life. See you out there.
