Dear Carol,
I can never seem to keep a boyfriend for longer than a few months. I'm pretty convinced that it's because there isn't enough mystery in my relationships to keep things exciting -- we always get too comfortable too quickly. And, you know, I've tried keeping some secrets to liven things up. Like, in my most recent relationship, in addition to refusing to tell him where I went or with whom, I would also do things like mysteriously leaving in the middle of dinner, saying I had "plans." I could tell he was turned on, because he would leave immediately after me, red-faced and cursing under his breath. But even when I went to all that trouble, he still wound up breaking up with me. That's why I've decided I need a guy who is as dedicated to keeping the mystery alive as I am. I need someone who has secrets he would never tell ... and who better than a member of one of Dartmouth's senior societies? So, I guess the real problem is this: How do I find one of these elusive members? And better yet, how do I find one of them but not KNOW he's one of them, all so I can date a guy who keeps as many secrets as I do, ensuring that we stay together forever??
Thanks,
Interested in Infiltrating the Sphinx
Dear Infiltrating,
I'm interested to know what sort of self-proclaimed relationship guru taught you that keeping secrets, particularly secrets involving abandonment in the middle of a romantic dinner, will garner you a long-term relationship. You must have searched long and hard for this never-failing advice. First things first: stop lying to your significant others. "Keeping the mystery alive" isn't the equivalent of lying, cheating and/or stealing.
If you insist, however, on finding a guy who will lie to you, there are a few things you can do. First, if you really want to date a member of a senior society, there are a few key moves you should make: invest in a strong rope and learn how to scale the sides of buildings. That way, you can climb to the top of the Sphinx (or infiltrate Dragon, Fire and Skoal, etc.), wait for meetings to start and then GO, GO, GO! Infiltrate and commence with wooing.
Or, you may choose to have the Baker Tower Webcam running on Monday nights while members are making their way to meetings. If you see someone suspiciously walking across the Green, POUNCE. He could be your next beau.
The problem with these solutions, of course, is that if you know that the guy you're chatting up (or tackling) is involved in a senior society, you're negating the "secret" part. So, if you want to meet a lot of guys who may or may not be in a senior society, befriend a well-known (and well-liked) senior who can send a gaggle of boys your way. The mystery, you know, is that any guy you meet could be in a senior society. Who knows, your last boyfriend might have been in Dragon. The point is that you'll never know.
Or, you could always wait until graduation, find a guy walking with a senior society cane and charm him with your mysterious smile.
Keeping it real and not-so-platonic,
Carol
