Dear Katy,
Okay, so there's this boy that I really like who I see at the gym every week (I guess we're just on the same schedule, but don't you think that's kind of a sign?). Last week, I even skipped an X-hour to make sure I wouldn't miss him. Anyway, I think he's so cute and great, but I don't actually know his name, who he is, what he does on campus (other than a mean set of chin-ups), or really anything about him. So my only shot at winning him over is at the gym.
I'm too nervous to go up and talk to him, so I need to find a way to make him come to me! I've tried basically everything I can think of to get his attention. I elliptical at such a low resistance and such a high speed that the remarkable whirring of my legs is impossible to ignore. I wear the tiniest little shorts that barely even qualify as underwear. I throw my head back and laugh loudly at any excuse while watching VH1 on my monitor, and I walk past him to the fountain to "refill my water bottle" like fifteen times an hour (but I obviously don't drink the water, because I hear that makes you sweat more, and I don't want that!).
After all this effort, he still hasn't come to talk to me, and I'm at a loss for what I can possibly do next to win over my Prince Charming! Help!
Sincerely,
Gyrating at the Gym
Dear Gyrating at the Gym,
Take a deep breath and get a hold of yourself! Let's go through this step-by-step. First of all, however nicely matched your schedules may be, you have to remind yourself that you don't actually know this person and that the gym may not be the most conducive environment for forging a relationship. Think of it this way: in the video montage of your relationship shown on your wedding day, do you really want those initial pictures to be of you chasing him around the gym in your tiny shorts? There has to be a more dignified way.
Secondly, no guy, no matter how many stellar chin-ups he can do, is worth unhealthy habits like watching VH1 or dehydrating yourself to keep from sweating. It's never hot to pass out on the elliptical. Again, try to maintain some self-respect.
Lastly, you may be operating on a fundamental fallacy, so I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Working out is inherently not that cute. You're either having a great workout and really pushing yourself (in which case you're probably sweating, flushed, hair in disarray) or you're just kind of biding your time, spinning your legs around on the recumbent bike and not impressing anyone. I would even argue that trying to look cute while working out actually detracts from a person's overall attractiveness.
Here's my advice: Find out who this guy actually is and try and bump into him outside of the gym. Ask around. See if any of your gym buddies know him. If no one does, keep in mind that he may actually be from Tuck, in which case you need to abort this mission immediately.
But if you can figure out who he is, and if he does seem like a nice guy, then just bite the bullet. The worst that can happen is that he'll reject you, and then you'd just have to find a new time to go to the gym.
If nothing else, please stop wearing those short shorts, Daisy Duke.
Sincerely,
Katy
