"This is a joke, right?" my friend said, as we held up a pair of bright green skinny jeans at a store in Toulouse. They looked like they would fit my arm. Maybe.
Let me tell you: shopping in France and dealing with European sizing is pretty hilarious. The tags actually says "America: Small, France: Medium."
Reflected in their clothing sizes is the fact that French people, on the whole, are skinnier than Americans -- girls walk in front of me, and when they turn around, I'm shocked to see they're my mom's age. There are books about "French diets" and "secrets" the French have to keeping thin. I think they're all a load of crap.
A saleswoman told me that the French are skinnier because they eat more vegetables than Americans. That is completely false. As if we don't eat them -- go to Collis after 12's and just try to elbow your way around the salad bar.
In fact, in France they eat more bread and butter with their food. Baguettes are bought each day to sop up sauces, and we never have leftovers at my host family's house.
My host parents tell me, "Dylan, you don't want any more food because you don't want to get fat? This won't make you fat!" as they pass me the buttery, cheesy, creamy, delicious potatoes gratin for the third time.
They then describe with disbelief how another student they hosted gained 15 pounds while she was staying with them. Really?
And with pastry shops on every corner, what visitor could resist? It's just not fair. The French really should get fat, but they just don't.
It's not like they even jog to keep in shape. I've seen no more than five runners since arriving, and they look quite silly, flailing their arms and kicking their feet to the side in their Capri-length running tights. The only people who actually work out here are those on sports teams. There aren't many dedicated runners like the ones we see getting facetime on the Green.
Therefore, I believe the French stay skinny for four reasons: genetics, smoking, an aversion to snacking and wine. First, there has to be some kind of gene that allows people to eat sugar and fat all day long without gaining weight. DHMC, if you can find that gene, you read about it here first.
In terms of meals, my host family has coffee and cigarettes for breakfast, a big, hearty two-hour lunch (pat and mayonnaise are staples), and a final meal around 8 p.m.
While the food they eat is very rich, it's unprocessed, and they only eat it at those specific times. Instead of snacking, they smoke cigarettes.
The French also don't drink beer as often as people in America. Rather, they enjoy their Pastis aperitifs and glasses of white and red wine, both of which are much better for one's sant than a Keystone Light -- the "light" part is just plain silly if you're drinking 10 of them, anyway. Finally, the French don't obsess about staying thin as much as Americans do. In a Parisian supermarket, I only saw two low-calories items: Oreos and Coca-Cola. Not particularly French foods to begin with.
So what can the French teach us about staying skinny? Eat real food, drink good wine and hope that your metabolism can hold up for that last bit of foie gras.
