Having passed over the threshold of youth and entered the beer-soaked beginnings of adulthood, the first years of college hold a special charm and promise. Certain milestones, like heckling the wide-eyed freshmen at the Homecoming bonfire and winning your first pong game, are the Dartmouth equivalent of getting a new car or starting your first job. While these milestones are meant to be captured on celluloid and memorialized in scrapbooks, others are meant to sting in the worst way. Getting picked up by S&S is just one of these rites of passage that packs a punch. It's meant to hurt, it might cost you some pride, but what would the Dartmouth experience be without it?
It's easy to say that getting picked up is simply stupid. It could be called the logical consequence of our poor decision-making skills. But in the Dartmouth universe, a throw down with S&S is really just an indication of our moral, social and intellectual growth.
The nature of the pick-up usually starts with some outlandish behavior. Chances are you had the opportunity to engage in behavior previously forbidden in your youth (Hello, Harbor. You are so much sexier than Chutes and Ladders). While there was most likely a better option, you, in your foolish inexperience, chose the worse of the two options (I am totally sober. In fact, I'm going to steal this large wooden plaque just to prove it). And, low and behold, there at the edge of Webster Avenue waits your nemesis, the silver Ford Escape. You screwed up. You have to suffer the consequences.
However, you have the privilege of screwing up and learning from your mistake now, rather than later. And screwing up within the Dartmouth Bubble provides you with a layer of protection that is nowhere to be found in the real world.
Along those lines, let me make a distinction: Getting picked up by S&S is excusable ... getting picked up by Hanover Police is not. That's mainly because any student who values his Dartmouth degree should avoid the po-po like the plague. Nothing good can ever be derived from intense hang-outs with the police. Though I love "Law and Order" and "NYPD Blue," I know enough to recognize that most interactions with police end with someone's ass getting grilled. In this situation, luck tends not to favor the college student.
Rites of passage are meant to mark an important stage in a person's life. As we climb to each new stage, there is an element of risk from some direction. For those stealing bequested items or signage of sorts, the chance of getting picked up by S&S provides that definitive risk. A rite of passage shouldn't be a given, or something easy. You're moving away from baby-faced innocence to acquire new skills and reach a level of "Yes-I'm-the-shit" expertise in, well, something.
Regardless of the valor, your rite of passage should entail the threat of a less-than-appealing alternative. Just knowing you could get caught and carted off ups the ante. Where's the danger in doing something crazy if there's no risk of getting caught? What's the fun? Getting caught, just like succeeding, is part of the thrill of maturation.
There is also a problem with just labeling getting picked up as "stupid." There are times when, quiet as it's kept, we need S&S. Whatever the reason may be, if getting picked up was automatically viewed as a dumb thing, we cool Dartmouth kids would distance ourselves from it. This may manifest itself as anything from an increase in domestic disputes to a decrease in the number of Good Sam calls. With the amount and frequency with which Dartmouth students drink, attaching levels of "coolness" to encountering S&S officials is not only dumb, but could have serious ramifications for the health of our student population.
There's also a sad, serious truth to this rite of passage. Despite the poor judgment and large quantities of liquor usually involved, frequently you're better off for having tangoed with S&S. It might seem like a good idea to burn off your liquor on the run home, or to prop that frat guy up on a couch, but chances are you're not better off "for having slept it off." This is usually because by the time you're half-conscious and incoherent, there's a higher chance that once you fall asleep, you'll never wake up. The Dick's House overnighter holds so much more appeal than the alternative.
The key is that we learn from the mistakes we make, rather than making them a pattern of questionable behavior. Unless you're an alcoholic, kleptomaniac or you suffer from a disorder compelling you to commit acts of self-annihilation, if you screw up once, you should be able to avoid making the mistake again. Do it once and get over it. Like your mom said when you started flinging poo, it's just a phase. If you're still making the same mistake after college, you'll make a mess of your life. But while you're cushioned by the Dartmouth Bubble, recognize the S&S pick-up for what it is -- the opportunity to live and learn.
