Dear Carol,
It started out innocently enough -- just a casual conversation over the sandwich counter at Food Court. Then, I realized that my willingness to engage in a dialogue with the sandwich guy was paying dividends. The extra slice of cheese and red pepper hummus I liked to have on my chicken sandwich were not making their way to the price tag, saving me precious DBA. I began to up my game (a hair toss here, a sly smile there), and now my deli sandwiches are masquerading as Suzy Q's and Banana Logs.
The thing is, I enjoy our conversations. I like hearing about his plans to move to the Caribbean, and he seems to take a genuine interest in my life outside of the sandwich line. But I'm worried that my love of free food and conversation has corrupted my morals. Have my casual conversations become sandwich counter prostitution?
Thanks,
Flirting through FoCo
Dear Flirting,
Well, well, well. I guess we now know who is single-handedly responsible for the Dartmouth Dining Service price hikes. Those free slices of cheese can add up to a mighty large deficit, you know. But, in all seriousness, I wouldn't label you a Deli Whore ... yet. I think it's great that you're taking the time to get to know someone who, I'm sure, deals with the surly I-can't-be-bothered-with-niceties-now-because-I-drank-my-way-through-a-keg-last-night-and-now-I-might-have-frostbite-because-I-thought-it-would-be-funny-to-streak-outside-in-January student on a regular basis. I also suspect that he's just giving you free slices of cheese as a gesture of friendship, but I can't shake the feeling that everything comes at a price.
The most obvious objection to your behavior is that it is counter-intuitive when dealing with modern feminism. You're a strong, capable woman, and you don't need that free hummus offered to you by a man.
That being said, even the most willful feminist among us has likely let a man pay every now and again. I'm sure Betty Freidan got a free meal or two out of Carl before founding the National Organization for Women.
While I have also been known to enjoy a free trip to the movies, I can't condone your behavior. Yes, you may not be explicitly licking your lips, but you did mention something about a hair toss or two.
Using your "feminine wiles" to get ahead -- even if only to the front of the FoCo sandwich line -- can be a dangerous and counter-productive form of manipulation.
From the sound of your letter, you feel that your "Woman of the Night" conduct isn't worth saving on DBA. How do you go back to the platonic, slightly more expensive FoCo sandwich line relationship of the past? Simple.
Next time you get a sandwich, look at the price and casually say "Oh! I think you forgot to add the price of the hummus. We can't have you losing your job right before you make enough money to get to the Caribbean!" That, or you could stop going to FoCo. See how long you can survive on a diet of Collis smoothies and salads at the Hop.
It really just comes down to this: Which helps you sleep at night -- a stomach full of lightly toasted, whole-wheat bread, or a clear conscience?
Keeping it real and not-so-platonic,
Carol
