Dear '12s,
I'd like to personally welcome you to the wonderful world of Dartmouth and to college in general. I hope you are comfortably settling in to this new social and academic environment.
I've been enjoying getting to know all of you youngsters -- and by getting to know you, I mean creepily Facebook-stalking you. I scrutinized your profiles, ridiculed your interests and quotes and mocked your favorite books, movies and television shows (scrutinizing, ridiculing and mocking happen to be pastimes of mine, so don't worry " it's not you, it's me). And of course, I paid particular attention to your favorite music.
Once you get past making awkward introductions and start laboriously trying to carry on conversations consisting entirely of trite small talk, you will notice that many students' music preferences here fall along certain lines. I have chosen to focus on a few key "types." While I had to disregard those of you who wrote "a little bit of everything," "anything that sounds good" or, my personal favorite, "all sorts of shit yo" as your favorite music, I was not surprised to find that the majority of you who did list artists fit into the typical categories of musical preferences here at Dartmouth.
There is a large constituency of students that listen to classic rock -- virtually all of which was recorded before we were born. Many of you '12s fit into that category, citing artists like The Beatles, Herbie Hancock, the Allman Brothers The Grateful Dead, Bruce Springsteen, The Clash, Led Zeppelin, ACDC, The Who, Janis Joplin, The Doors and Bob Dylan as your favorites. These tend to be the students who believe that their favorite bands are irrefutably good because Rolling Stone approves of their music choices. They indiscriminitely disdain all contemporary music, even though they have never heard most of the artists out there today.
Then there is the group that listens largely to pretentious indie bands and specific mainstream alt-rock groups in the Top 40 like The Killers, Franz Ferdinand, White Stripes, Modest Mouse, Artic Monkeys, Red Hot Chili Peppers and R.E.M. I didn't see too many recognizable pretentious indie bands on your profiles, but I'm sure you'll explain to your fellow '12 friends that it's because you listen to the most underground bands since you have such a superb taste in music that only the obscurest acts meet your standards. I shouldn't have to tell you just how obnoxious you will sound.
A large number of you unsurprisingly fell into the pop or pop-rock category, putting down All Time Low, Envy on the Coast, Fountains Of Wayne, Jack Johnson, Jason Mraz and Liz Phair as your favorite artists.
Sure, some of you had favorites that overlapped a few of the categories in a predictable manner, but for the most part your tastes were easily compartmentalized. As much as your parents, your high school teachers and now everyone at Dartmouth will tell you that you are special and unique, just know that you are not. It's a simple fact that is true for all of us, and one that we must learn sooner or later in order to live without disproportionately high esteems of ourselves or delusions of how precious, original and unimaginably talented we are clouding reality. I apologize if I just shattered your confidence and the innocent idealism through which your perceptions of "the college experience" have been filtered all your lives. It was not my intention, but I have to admit, it's an added bonus.
But fear not, young '12s. The good news is that during college, you'll grow in many ways. Apart from growing hair in unexpected places and experiencing urges you've never felt before (don't feel embarrassed -- it's completely natural), you'll also discover new artists, acquire a slightly more mature taste in music and develop a more discriminating ear. It was refreshing to see a few of you already like interesting and dynamic contemporary artists like The Pixies, Arcade Fire, Beck, Fall of Troy, Bela Fleck and the Flecktones and even "ethnic Balkan music."
To be honest though, I'm sure many of you will remain completely hopeless as you continue to listen to Miley Cyrus and try to foist The Jonas Brothers on your teenage son when you eventually have a child of your own.
Anyway, I'm glad we had this chance to open a line of communication between us, and I hope we can chat again soon. Also, please accept my Facebook friend requests so I can have access to more of your personal information and photos for my scrutinizing pleasure.
Love,
Divya Gunasekaran
Divya is a staff writer for The Mirror. She blocks access to her Facebook profile so no one can see she still loves 2gether.
