However much you would like to deny it, Summer term is coming to a close. Finals are approaching, the weather's cooling down and Beta alums are busy setting up Betavision 2.0. For those still holding on to that summer fling, it's time to drop him or her like cutter. Here are a few hints on how to cut your losses and start fresh this fall.
Make it "long-distance"
Maybe the two of you are living next to one another on frat row. You might even be in the same off-campus house (awkward). But in the fall, when he's living in Gold Coast and you're in East Wheelock, use the classic "long-distance" tactic to break it off. "I still love you, but it'll be so tough. We'll be meeting new people and I don't even have a bike. Maybe we can try again some other term."
Fake Corporate Recruiting
Start wearing a suit all the time. Tell her you're too busy writing your resum, perfecting your cover letters and gelling your hair for interviews. After she's eaten alone five meals in a row, your work will be done for you, and the break-up will be mutual. You might have to wait until the winter unless you can convince her corporate recruiting takes place in the fall.
Campers are leaving
For all of you out there dating those foxy soccer camp girls or studly rowing camp hunks, ending your summer romance should be easy. Not only do they have to go home, but their 11:00 curfew and lack of driver's license should ensure that you don't see them ever again. Unless, of course, you go to Tuck for grad school and happen to run into members of the Class of 2015.
Depledge and Rush Beta
No one could keep up a relationship last fall; everyone was too busy elephant walking and booting up breakfast bombs. So if these painful memories sound more appetizing than staying with your summer girlfriend, depledge whatever lame house you're in and rush Beta. You're sure to meet plenty of nave '12s or drunken AZDs looking for their house.
Take an off term
Who cares if you don't have a job and you have to sleep in your mom's basement? The D-Plan makes it all too easy to break up with your summer fling. You're off in the fall, he's off in the winter; you could even try graduating without ever having to see him again.
Get involved with rush
You'll be way too busy flirting with sophomores of the same sex to spend any time with your significant other. Those choreographed dances for potential sorority sisters take a lot of time to learn. And for brothers, flirting with dudes takes quite a few games of pong.
Join a varsity team
You don't actually have to join, just tell her you walked on to the varsity crew team. You can even make up a team, like varsity ping-pong.
Become Founder of a club
This is a sure-fire way of giving your significant other the boot. Schedule private group meetings around dinnertime and if he or she asks you why you founded the Dartmouth Society of Jewish Dentistry, just tell them it's "for my resum." Alternative for creating a club would be to join The D and let it take over your life. Or say you write for the Mirror; no one will ask any questions.
